The sun is shining on this blustery world.
The shell is opening around this glistening pearl.
Been swimming up stream forever it seems,
looking for that meaning of truth that life deems.
I swear I'm going to make it this time you know.
I swear I'm getting my part on the prime-time show.
Going to break that bubble of disposable income trouble,
collecting my toll on the raise your income status quo.
Now I know this seems rather unprofound,
but its easier to write above board
than when drowned.
A contest entry
- WANTED- poets who are inspired by life and not a prompt by McRae by nature.
700 points, ended November 8, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Paycheck by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is a well written piece...
I am not one for ryhme, but you have flowed the words well, without appearing overly forced...
deserving of a trophy
well written
thanks for sharing this piece
Lyre-Bird-
Tracey
keep writing &
keep your words flowing... -
hope the next one you get is silver at least, you deserve the raise.
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This is truly an expressive poem. I was hooked all the way, and the ending just jerked me back to an abstract reality. "Easier to write above board than when drowned." Your words are superb, and I enjoyed every word of it.
Thanks for sharing your piece with us.
M a r l u x i a
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The bronze trophy was well deserved... this piece is wonderful, I really liked the message of the poem and the way it was presented... the ending is superb!
Keep writing
Polly -
Think we all want to be better off, have more money so we can live comfortably. Sentiments well expressed in these lines. Liked the rhythm, rhyme and flow of these lines. Nice bronze trophy to add to your collection too.
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~Now I know this seems rather unprofound, but its easier to write above board than when drowned~ I love that part, so true!
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I remember Carrie's contest, but never found this little piece..a more serious, sensitive side..congrats on the bronze, as well.
I need to read more of your work. I will, I promise..
Jin
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ooopppps. sorry i forgot this
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hehehe. this is nice. as it is said: in life only two things are certain -- death, and taxes...
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We all want that big paycheck to make all right. But I think at times we think if all is paid up , then life will run smoothly...I hope it does...just seems shallow...life is more then this....but good write on the subject matter..thanks for sharing
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well...it all depends from where life has taken you. My family has been through a bit of bad finances and now we are on the better road. Not getting rich just better. one needs to be productive in life to feel good for themselves and thier family.
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I like the shape of this poem, along with what it has to say. You used your words amazingly. The flow... The rhyme... Both were amazing. The idea was also well thought out~!
Great job!
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"Been swimming up stream forever it seems,
looking for that meaning of truth that life deems."
Yes, at times it feels like we are always swimming upstream..this poem made me think, thanks. -
I like it! Thanks for entering.
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Great rhyme and content. Thank you for your entry.
Carrie -
I swear I'm going to make it this time you know.
I swear I'm getting my part on the prime-time show.
indeed my friend we should keep hoping and raising our heads no mater what to reach what we want,amen,great strong write,well done -
really like the rhyming flow.
Heather
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