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Generic Lemming

 

 

Born on time

On or around the preordained date

environment sublime

Of  average length, average weight

(nothing unique, odd, or unusual

at least not anything visual)

 

 

   Plain white blanket swaddles

  ubiquitous congratulations - charade of false smiles

   temporary shelter against lifes' pervasive trials

   gently overall fears are coddled

  commonly fed to a teet mottled

 

 

typical predictabilities tied neatly

knots of universal experience

widespread beliefs to reference

uniquenesss forsaken completely

secrets sweeping under rugs discreetly

 

 

  global decision to stand in line

   apathetic inertia seemingly benign

   individuality sold wholesale and condemning

   everyone to become another generic lemming

  vulgar insult to a higher powers' design

 

 

birthdays celebrated marking the years proud

supposedly a special day just for us

but I realize now with raging disgust

this thing alone is all I am allowed

nothing else is my own -I am lost in the crowd.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes


Brainwashed from birth.
Words in bold are synonyms for generic/general/universal

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Angelflower
    July 27, 2008

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    I really like this.. it's unique and yet it a has this feel about it that I love.. Very abstract and yet deep.. I like that..and the flow was nice and smooth as well! you did a wonderful job!!! Congratulations on winning Gold! well worthy I believe..


    Angel


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. I like the rhyme and the flow. It is a very well thought out poem with carefully chosen words.


  • FakingItForReal
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this! I'm in awe of the seamless flow and vivid imagery you used here. Keep up the good work!

  • ElvenShadow
    December 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ah, i see you've changed the font. looks better now it's all the same size. hehe.

    i feel this is a very profound poem with great comments about society. the rhyme is most interesting. i beg you won't be offended but i did not discover the rhyme until i got to the second stanza; i think that is a good sign, really. the rhyme of the first stanza is subtle and gentle, while the rhyme of the rest of your piece comes across as a lot stronger.

    having the line lengths and syllable counts the same/similar for each line in a stanza helps to heighten the rhyme. so i think if you want the rhyme to come across forcefully (i think that would work in this piece) you might want to think about keeping syllable counts less varied.
    the first and second stanzas could be written a little differently with this in mind, i feel.

    the message is particularly powerful, and i think the rhyme has a lot to do with that. it is too true that these days the individual is seemingly lost in society.

    haha. and guess what? you even have to share your own birthday with about 18 million other people in the world.

    overall, this is a well written piece. i like the lines:
    "Apathetic inertia seemingly benign,
    Individuality sold wholesale"


    thank you for entering.

    xx


  • Zahir
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hard to believe we're special in today's world. Or yesterday's, for that matter. You appear to possess a huge vocabulary and a great understanding of English. A poem with a rich content, althougha little disturbing, as most people view the beginning of a new life a s something beautiful. but it's true, everynew life has it's own sorrows and terrors to meet.


  • PerfectImperfection
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a very in depth piece of the abstract. Coincidence in constant motion, whether fate was destined to even be at all. There is animosity within the comical sheen of philosophy. All so very well composed, leaving much for the average mind to ponder... I do so enjoy reading you, like a box of chocolates - I just never know what I am going to get! Awesome write!!!


  • Mallig gold member
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is incredibly powerful... Really thought provoking, such strong emotion and perspective, I am stunned by the skill and use of language in this piece, and also quite depressed. The emphasis with the bolded words is inspired. (Wow!)

  • celadia
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The anger was refreshing and such a good write. You made your views known and clear, really great.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is EXCELLENT..in case you didnt see the first time EXCELLENT!!
    thanks for sharing i think you nailed this contest
    Best wishes
    Tory


  • aslanlight
    November 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Brilliance!

    Glad you said this further down the page:

    'I don't personally feel this in my heart, although I expressed it as such...'

    Because I was left with the contradiction that this is not you you're talking about.
    A brilliant take on society as its forced upon us.

    Peace Georgia

    P.S Ed sent me over. (Balldinger)


  • Gods-Artgal
    October 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem. Love the imagery and photo.


    • Grimoire
      October 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I thought the image of the photo would help the reader understand right from the beginning the theme of the poem. Glad you liked it.
      bye,
      ted


  • 2lullabyhaven
    October 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Fabulous take on the prompt, wow, thanks for this entry into my contestlol

    • Grimoire
      October 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I tried to take a somewhat different approach to the prompt, initially I was gonna go for something ironic, but decided on metaphorical instead. Glad you like it,
      bye,
      ted


  • CherryOnTop
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is simply amazing." Lost in a crowd" expresses the true emotion of your heart. Simply beautiful.

    • Grimoire
      October 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, I don't personally feel this in my heart, although I expressed it as such. Glad you understood it was only a general emotion I was trying to convey....
      bye,
      ted


  • jamiebeau
    October 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    This is as good as it gets!

    Little men, like little toys
    full wound for limited unreal joys.

    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, they wind us up all the way tight, then stand us in a corner to march nowhere towards nothing (except to be like all the other little toys in the other corners). One simple turn and step left, or right, opens the whole world up and gets us out of that corner we are forced into.

  • Climbing2nothing
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    DAM well said! the words are very conscious to the passions of what all a life's flame would contain, the now, the sheer flash of ability, curving the shape of ones destiny, into the wave of everything we love, unto the days where we slip away from the noose of subliminal hypnotism that the greed complexity of the matrapped would have us believe, and come across the connection to all eternal tribe would hold as heaven in our unconcious dream...

    anyheys i liked the way you highlighted your chosen words, and your rhyme work was most clever,
    with fire works and chai
    -JAS

    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Yes BUT....

      Huh? You lost me at the end there. Matrapped? Eternal tribe? Ok. Uh, anyheys. But you do perceive and interpret well the implications underlying the message.
      Thanx.


  • cherche -d -ame
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I understand your point, but later in life isn't it up to us to reject brainwashing and retain our own beliefs and therebt our individuality as well. Even salmon swim up-stream........
    reenie

    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Salmon?

      How better to explain the ultimate in brainwashing, salmon swim upstream because it is genetically encoded as instinct. They lack control of willpower over it, making them ultimately absent of free will(in regards to spawning at least). Of course, we humans in later life, sometimes even while young, can reject brainwashing. The question, however is this: How do you know it is happening to you until you recognize it for what it is ? And would your constitution allow you to be deviant, stray from the normal, be seen as different? If one salmon decided to swim somewhere else than all the other salmon he would never reproduce, and die a tragic, meaningless life because of it. Fortunately, we adapt to our environment, testing the limits and borders of what is "normal" and finding our uniqueness in between the norm and the unconventional.


  • Endeavor gold member
    October 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good


    Birthdays celebrated marking the years proud,
    Supposedly a special day just for us,
    But I realize now with raging disgust,
    This thing alone is all I am allowed,
    Nothing else is my own -I am lost in the crowd.

    Interesting Ending

    What`s up with the face...lol

    Enjoy the day

    Rick

    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
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      I guess my social security number, my drivers license number, my fingerprints, and my DNA , are my own too!!! But more importantly, to me, is my heart, my soul, my freewill and my muse........ some of the things unique to only me (and has only been slightly tainted and defiled in such a beautiful world.)


  • 2lullabyhaven
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I anxiously await hahaha

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