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Twisted

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Twisted

They say I’m twisted, so cold hearted,
Hallows Eve is when it started.
Wishing they had not existed,
so cold hearted, they say I’m twisted.

I found those lovers in my bed
and soon I’d see that they were dead.
Wrapped together ‘neath the covers,
In my bed I found those lovers.

I held the knife, I squeezed it tight.
I’d make them both regret this night.
Methodically I took their life.
I squeezed it tight, I held the knife.

I felt the power in the blade,
the crimson ooze that it had made.
I carved them for at least an hour.
In the blade I felt the power.

In a plastic sheet I rolled them,
within my power to condemn.
The murder scene was very neat,
I rolled them in a plastic sheet.

The perfect crime I knew it was,
revenge is sweet, that’s what it does.
I smiled when I hid that slime,
I knew it was the perfect crime.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Swap Quatrain:

Each stanza in the poem must be a quatrain (four lines) where the first line is reversed in the fourth line. In addition, line 2 must rhyme with line 1, and line 3 must rhyme with line 4 and so on, BUT not repeat the same rhyming pattern on subsequent stanzas.
Rhyming pattern: AABB, CCDD, and so on.
The Swap Quatrain was created by Lorraine M. Kanter.

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • dragonfly89
    November 2

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    rhyming, the piece had a good flow. The story concept was clear and progressed nicely. Thank you for your contribution


  • Ethereal One gold member
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    You keep the readers attention from the first stanza all the way to the last. I enjoyed the revenge that you wrote about in this poem.
    The rhyming is excellent, and the reverse repetitiveness of the first and 4th line is very effective.

    Good luck in the contest!

    Ethereal One


  • Never Fall in Love
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is definitely no mistaking a swap quatrian! It's one of my favourite forms [which I wont do any disgrace to it by attempting one] but the only person I know who does it so goddamn brilliantly is you!
    I really love this - fluent flow and perfect rhyme - brilliance!

    Never ♥


  • Sir Squigglim
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    amazing... not to mention that it must have taken awhile to write! i felt like i was there **slightly petrified** ok ill get over it... but still, this is really good!


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    well done!!!!!!!
    THIS IS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN and i love the set up.
    Very nice
    Kudos


  • jcat gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well now that I have learned about swap quatrains.. I am intregued!! This was very clever even knowing about what it is poetically. I really enjoyed this. thank you for sharing it!


  • ellipsist
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I feel the intensity to this piece...

    I am rooting for the villain... difficult not to identify/see things from their perspective...

    especially:

    "I felt the power in the blade,
    the crimson ooze that it had made.
    I carved them for at least an hour.
    In the blade I felt the power."


  • Desire gold member
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    Love another one Form Queen
    Powerful story You have told and this flowed
    effortlessly...flawlessly

    Thank You for taking us to the scene of the crime~~
    Oy!!
    Keep that quill dancing!!
    Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Blue Rew silver member
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Gothic and gruesome! You weave this tale well and the pattern seems to make these words scream "insanity" as well. Clever and like I find with most of your pieces; well-paired theme and form. Blue


  • HaleyMary
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa, Sis, this is a very creepy poem. Very powerful imagery. Wonderful poetic form, as always. Good luck in the contest.


  • jo-el
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ooohh...i'm sceeeerred of youu. *shiver* vvvvery cccconvincing write.. ssssoooo ccccooold and cccalculating.lol...i know that stutterings a bit dramatic. but i'm impressed with how you executed this one. you come across so sweet. i woulda never thought you could murder so cool lol. excellent


  • Marctheman
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a picture you painted with this poem, powerful imagery, great flow good luck in the contest.


  • capricornpoet
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    dark

    I love the repetition here, a madness of the crime in the satire as repetitions show the dark side of this poem tale.


  • PerVirtuous
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This would make a great B-movie complete with cheapness in the sets and really, really bad acting. You know, one of those movies where the actors change clothes in the middle of a scene and nobody notices but the audience. Ha ha ha. This is dark, beautiful, and as fun as the subject matter can be made to be.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very fine indeed.

1 - 16 of 16