Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Tornado

Just on the edge

of consciousness

a lucid dream
rips me

from my peaceful slumber.

 

A flaming tornado

surrounds me
but I feel no heat.

 

It is the fiery light

of my soul, the enlightenment

hidden inside me where

my minds eye can't see.

 

And just at the moment

of waking...
awareness.

 

I am the tornado!

 

My mind's eye,

glimpses...
the blinding light

of God.

 

As quickly

as universal knowledge comes...

it's gone.

 

My eyes open.
A smile grows

upon my face
and stays there...

all day.

 

My chest

light as a feather,
I float

through the day.

 

Basking...

in the residual sensation
of my final destination.
Enlightenment!

Author notes

This poem is an accounting of the most intense experiance of my life! It changed me beyond the measure of anything the physical plain of existance represents. This poem can not even begin to describe my experiance. I don't think it can be fully explained in a language of Man. But this poems trys.

 

This poem has nothing to do with religion. It does however have everything to do with Spirituality. Cosmic Enlightment is when the mind of your soul and the mind of your body blend into one and the gift of Gods mind is realized. This poem tells the story of my real life experiance. Though I was only given the gift for a few seconds. It has profoundly changed my life forever!

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • Poetess12
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    I like your poem..
    The good effect that it had on you for it to change your life forever is amazing.

    You're lucky to experience a life changing dream. Not many people have a dream like that.

    "My eyes open.
    A smile grows
    upon my face
    and stays there...
    all day."

    These lines stand out to me the most.

    And where it says at the end "Enlightenment!"

    That's truly a happy thing.

    Thank you for your entry



  • Madam.Brunette
    February 20
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. Not to sound like a total dumwitt but am I right in believing there were religious undertones? I wonder what you were symbolising? Anyway...very mature and beautiful imagery. Some great ideas discussed throughout, though I'm not quite sure what it has to do with the theme of the contest but in any case...Thankyou for entering!

    xx angel chlid


    • BluesMan gold member
      February 20
      Edit | Reply

      This poem has nothing to do with religion. It does however have everything to do with Spirituality. Cosmic Enlightment is when thhe mind of your soul and the mind of your body blend into one and the gift of Gods mind is realized. This poem tells the story


  • Dark Otter
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I repeat!

    This is a very good dream piece. You took from the stages of dream to wakefulness quite successfully. Yes, I believe that dreams can be life altering.

    • BluesMan gold member
      October 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the second comment I didn't realize that I had already had it in one of your previously run contest's


  • Dark Otter
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I like this!

    Your spin is 'right on' the mark. Something, I wanted to see. I will give a full critique at the time of judging. Thanks for a powerful, positive image.


  • November-Dani
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done.
    A great look into such an incredible experience.
    Thank you so much for entering, good luck to you.
    Dani.


  • The Lost Boy -PP-
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I don't think it can be fully explained in a language of Man." At the butt-end of post-modernism, I don't think anything can. But that's the beauty of it. The overall affect of this for me was resounding euphoria. ^.^ So great.


  • reeseXtheXsoldier
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    eh...

    Ok... this poem is really good, but it's not very surreal. The last stanza is very surreal, but the rest does not suffice.

    The poem its'ef however, gets a 5-star review. It's just not what I'm looking for.

    Bravo! Thanks you so much for entering and good luck! Write on 'cause you rock!

    The Famous Reese bailey


  • Fulabeans
    July 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    I like this piece alot though I don't fully understand it. I hope that it changed you for the better I think that it did but as I said I do not fully understand

    It flowed so well and I am so happy you entered. Thanks for the entry

    good luck
    -Dustin-


  • Frogzter gold member
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A whirlwind of tornadic activity within a dream. Excellent piece my friend. Enlightenment most assuredly is welcomed!

    Frogz~


  • Frozentearz
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Our soul can be a whrilwind of tornados.
    well written and thanks for joining in,
    Warm thoughts.
    Frozentearz


  • Lagrimas
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    A dream you dreamed

    Well this is quite the experience, I think your use of line breaks detracts from the direction that you are going, but that is my opinion. Thanks for entering and good Luck!


  • redmarkonthewall
    May 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Not that in-depth of an analysis of your work, I know you say it cannot be fully explained but I was hoping you could explain about the words you chose and what not. My favourite verse would be
    "A flaming tornado
    surrounds me
    but I feel no heat."
    Nicely Done


  • Lyndon gold member
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    minds eye > mind's eye, methinks.
    As quickly
    as universal knowledge
    comes,
    it's gone. [One sentence, only.]

    "My chest
    light as a feather,
    I float
    through the day."

    Apart from some glitches, you delivered a forceful, poetic epiphany.


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WHAT A WONDERIOUS JOURNEY

    YOU HAVE CREATED

    SO LOVELY

    THANK YOU FOR  YOUR ENTRY

    GOD BLESS...


  • Maatkara gold member
    May 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Mystic experiences are difficult to translate, but you've done well with this Simple but clear.

    There's a dash attached as a hyphen in your third
    stanza (needs a space before & after - when not a hyphenated word); you have missed a possessive apostrophe also.


  • aslanlight
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I just read this again and am really glad I did. I've had many similar experiences, though not quite the same and I love to hear about other people's experiences of God.

    Peace Georgia


  • B Chandler
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Commentary

    In stanza one, the (… are seen in my opinion, unnecessary as it’s sort of gives off the vibe that it isn’t really needed. However in stanza three, you can easily insert a comma after ‘soul’ or even a hyphen after ‘soul’ to really establish a true balance of what you’re conveying. In other words, like this for stanza three:


    It is the fiery light
    Of my soul- the enlightenment
    Hidden inside me where
    My mind’s eye can’t see

    OR

    It is the fiery light
    Of my soul, the enlightenment
    Hidden inside me where
    My mind’s eye can’t see


  • j-ay rose
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well its a good thing you had that experience then! thank you for taking the time to enter my contest and attempt to put such ventures into words.


  • LoneFairrie
    January 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what awonderful poem. I felt the power. It was intregueing


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    God can reach us all in many different ways, some more profound than others. That enlightenment has made you who you are today, and it is fitting that you write about it like this.


  • loveyourfate
    December 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for your entry. I can see that this spiritual experience must have greatly affected you.


  • SilverButterfly gold member
    December 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you must have had one awesome experience according to this write!! makes me wonder what happened.

    SilverButterfly


  • DawnBaby
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    What a wonderful experience to have, almost sounds as if you were touched by God. Excellent write and beautiful thoughts.


  • Elvenfairy
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, sounds like it was an experience beyond anything easily immaginable! You said it was better than your poem, and I had trouble imagining just that!


  • LadyLavender gold member
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    powerful, with great imagery and metaphor.

    Good luck and thank you for entering!


  • aslanlight
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! I'm doing a class on dark poetry and in an assignment last night I read that you know it's a shit hot poem when someone's comment starts with WOW....well WWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

    I could've written this, in fact probably would have if you hadn't written it first!

    Peace Georgia

1 - 28 of 28