Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

warning signs

 

There were warning signs everywhere
painted passions on a collision course
and time ticking away like a fuse.

High sounding words and reasons
wouldn't warm the bed.
Whispers from empty pillows
made haunting echoes;
and so it began,

sighs and whimpers, sweet tones and subtle touches.

There were warning signs before the eyes
but eyes needed to be open
not half lidded and misted, focused on a wall;
even bells and whistles
had the qualities of winds and birdsong.

Still there was all of the experience
forewarning by frequent fall,
no fear when we are in an embrace
we think it is a swoon,
loon call on a glassy lake
echoing off the pines.

There were warning signs everywhere,
and still they found goodbye
can be an awful burden in the morning.

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • monimac
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery in this is quite good in some places. There is a line that had me stumbling a bit, not sure if it was a typo - 'and so it began sighs, whimpers' in S2. I'm pretty sure there needs to be some punctuation or line break, something signifying a pause between 'began' and 'sighs'.

    Thanks for the entry.


    • Peteskid gold member
      October 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Stacy

      You make a very good point. I have to agree with you;
      read a certain way its ok but it needed a change, and I did, and may yet do more. Very helpful comment...thank you...PK

  • Laura Lamarca
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • ennovy silver member
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The title is perfect for this read, an as I read each word it all balanced with your title. Warn signs of one leaving and yet it hits hardest after they are gone. excellent read, penned brilliantly...novy


  • poet2angels silver member
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant!
    This is amazing as always..Filled with the irony, imagery and imagination that seems to always find your words...and cause a sigh...

    Lynda

1 - 6 of 6