A certain feeling of your creation
that slowly appears and emerges within time
a beauty, a yet unknown shrine
that centers your whole attention
can you stand her dispatching look?
torn, yet able to fight for more?
Remember: don't be an open book
it requires cohesion of your inner core
your soul and body a quiver
longing and internal desire
is the only thing you acquire
are you ready for the last shiver?
you pick up the pace
a gust reveals beauty
and within an ace
it would have been the end of this chase
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The variation in the rhyming threw me off...confused me...over all this is a great piece, just curious what the specific source or reason for this piece was or is...
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I must confess that I am totally and utterly confoozled by this piece. This appears to me to be the kind of poem that means something significant to the writer, and we as readers are truly left with our own interpretation. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
Hmmm....
Not exactly sure what the topic was. A very interesting write at that though! I would be intrigued to know what exactly this was about... I liked it.
On a side note, I would suggest you make sure stuff at least makes some sense.... or at least is spelled correctly, like "are you read for the last shiver?" That seriously threw me off.... I suggest you explain what that means or re-word it. XD But all in all not a bad write at all! -
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It is about how you see someone and then after time you slowly fall in love with her. And then you have to decide wheter you want to tell it her or not and if it makes sense.
It is about the right timeing and the pain you are going through. And finally when you decided to tell that you love her it could be too late or inappropriate because it could have destoryed the good relationship.
it is about chasing the women and still be not too open to sustain a constant flow of intest but not too overwhelming. (dont be an open book) if you beg her to be with you then its going to be a disaster. you have to careful unless both fell in love on first sight which is in my experience very very rare.
ok?
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Wow, What a great poem.
I like the varying rhyming, but I was a little lost here and there.
I read your comment though and now it all comes together perfectly.
You did a great job with all the imagery and the metaphor.
very impressive!
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thanks a lot
worst thing is thoug that anna never read it
well, maybe sometime...
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Very interesting. Though I must admit the title did draw me in, i was guess that is what it intended to do. ~~ the poem was very interesting too with its varying rhyming... I don't know if i liked the varying rhyming or not.. I liked the idea behind this one though. You used your words well, to keep it in place
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What an unusual title this is for a poem. Liked the flow and the varying rhyme schemes you used with the verses, they changed from verse to verse. Did you mean are you ready for the last shiver?
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well, before you ask someone if or he/she wants to go out with you you have to pull yourself together and it is this feeling of "what will she say" and you can feel your whole body explosing while you are asking her...
plus it could be the last if she says yes and all the effort you put in wil be rewarded with her answer.
do u know what i mean?!
besides that are there any grammatical erros in my poem?
thanks for your review
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