the cold stainless steel rain pierces through my flesh
consuming my eternal sunshine until there is nothing left
passion quickly flees from severed veins
dismantling memories and erasing my very name
frozen tears compartmentalizing a dozen fears
ten thousand miles and counting, closer to nowhere
fragments of my broken bones form a handle for destruction
agony soaked blood on my lips, i can taste the seduction
...to be continued....
Author notes
Perhaps it's the "letting go" where destiny awaits.
A contest entry
- Anything Dark by satan-.
460 points, ended March 2, 2008, 75 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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WOW thats a good job and a great choice of words i absoulutly loved it.
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WOW!
THIS IS BREATH-TAKING!
AMAZING JOB! Wow, i really love this piece. It's very deep and emotional......wow
kudos
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amazing!!! i loved it!!
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Amaaaaaazing.... Probably one of the best I've seen yet on AP. Thanks for entering!
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wow amazing. pleasure add your AP name in author notes
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Beautiful!!!!!!! You have much talent and it comes shining through here.
Always~
Miley -
i have been stupefied by your superiority
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Because of the title, I'd expected this to be a dirty pretty poem, but was pleasantly surprised to find it wasn't. The language is beautiful
Best of luck in your contests.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
title was kinda tough to read and like truman capote's comment about jack kerouac "it's just typeing" be not qwik too judge - cuz the title fits! good opening very good closing ANDwas prepared not to like this AND surprise i liked/enjoyed this will 'read' the continuation when you post thanks for sharing regards zaj
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this was great... beautiful imagery and the opening metaphor of 'cold stainless steel rain' threw me right in. this flows nicely, in a different kinda way... i think from this write that you would be good at writing lyrics. two small things - i think the title you chose was misleading, it sets the tone for a dirty pretty poem which obviously this isnt! and secondly, matter of taste, but i thought the font made it a little difficult to read. also, i think this writew sounds finished as it is!
awesome work, thanks for sharing!
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Amazing! Thank you for entering this into my contest. The metaphors were well distributed, and the vocabulary was excellent! The flow was evenly distributed, and it was over all a very well written poem! Thank you again for entering this and best of luck in the contest...
XBlankSillhouetteX -
Phenomenal job of word choice. . .your imagery was simply amazing, and the light rhyme scheme was just enough to be present without forcing itself into the reader's mind. While interested in what more may be following, I find that it could certainly stand alone as well. . .good job!
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Good job
I think "work in progress" should be erased from the bottom; I think your poem is incredible the way it is, and I admire how you kept a rhyme scheme that didn't seem overdone or overly obvious. I enjoyed it, and it's similar to feeling I think a lot of people have had through their lifetime. The word choice and "flow" of the writing was very nice, and gripping in a sort of easy-going way; meaning that it was a nice length that didn't require endless amounts of commitment to actually finish (something I think I may be quilty of in a few cases -_-)The imagery is amazing; it made my spine feel tingley. The only question I would have is who or what inspired this?
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Thank you. I took your advice, and removed the "work in progress, etc."
What inspired this? The most amazing thing, that never happened. =) =(
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wow it's already great--can't wait to see the final work....great imagry too :]
Godbless -
there were some pretty vivid images in here, "the cold stainless steel rain" is very powerful. i also loved the idea of "frozen tears compartmentalizing a dozen fears". good job!
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whoa this is brilliant, i wish i could up with something as great as this! Excellent work
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Very interesting. I like the imagery in this particular piece. It is very thought provoking, and it leaves a certain image in your head.
It is very short... But, very dense with emotion... and deeper thoughts.
Very interesting write 
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short and wrote so well
the looking back
and relizioing your not alone and others think this same way
this was a dep poem and you did an amazing job writing it
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short powerful words ub, hope this does continue!
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Wowww, very very touching piece..I am big fan of short poetry..especially when it is so deep and make you think back of many things and realise you are not alone and so many outhere share same feelings..Wonderful job my friend
AJ
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