As I wait:
I tilt my head and sigh, exhaling the stale scent of blood.
The cover scent of bleach, the antiseptic used upon the sterile blue floor.
I sigh and smile, wondering if that person would make it through the night.
He was shot 2 hours ago, stumbled in here bleeding and screaming.
I don稚 think he値l last the night, too much blood.
Blood now gone, wiped away by the vigilant janitor.
Take two deep breaths, in and out.
Calm myself and await the call.
I watch them come and go.
No-one sees me, I致e been forgotten.
I知 sitting, waiting, watching.
I twiddle my thumbs, watching the pregnant woman walk in.
Her husband died a few months ago, poor thing.
I sigh and shake my head.
A feeling of terror washes over me
Seeing the doctors rush in and out of the steel double doors.
My fate awaits, yet I am alone.
My heart is about to burst, can no-one see the pain I知 in?
Now I知 screaming, pain in my body no longer contained in my mind.
I feel the hard floor beneath me, the white fluorescent lights blind me.
My eyes close, a sense of peace envelops my body
And I知 carried away, through the steel doors, and on to a gurney.
I still sit in the waiting room, watching the people come through.
Trick is, that man who was shot made it through the night.
I did not.
So on I watch.
And still I wait.
Author notes
well....i hope this works well....if something needs to be changed please let me ok?
I edited the spelling mistakes and the grammar errors.
i hope this is better.
A contest entry
- Contemplations: The Waiting Room by Cat.
1300 points, ended November 9, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Love me, or Hate me,
Comments
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Mary has commented on this already and said she appreciated your hard work...
it still is a piece that is heavy with pronouns and a little bit disjointed.. but i too appreciate that you were willing to break it down and re-work..
well done and many thanks for entering this contest -
yes, this is much, much better- i appreciate the fact that you were willing to go through and clean this piece up the way you did- a much better version of the first for sure-
i have a lot of respect for your willingness to work hard on your work and make it the best it can be-
nicely done
m -
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I would consider this much more of a first draft than a completed poem. You might consider taking it down and cleaning up before reposting to this contest. When it is better you are welcome to repost it.
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