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Providence Beholden

 

 

 

Down through the spiraling abyss of Time

history stains red the valiant sublime;

when Divinity is praised before

throes of death hold fast men at War,

thankfulness rewards him doubly Divine.

 

Giving praise in all things even the pain

enduring all 'til an empty mind remains

   -tipped and poured out like a jar-

then filled to make a weapon of War,

thankfully serving to any campaign.

 

Guided by shadows of the past heroes

together advance light of our futures

thankfully I call them patriots all,

the bond most simple and natural

a Union so strong inherently grows.

 

From Paul Revere's ride to the Concord Hymn

Boston Tea or Maryland Battalion-

from these thankful patriotic eyes

see Freedom from a wound arise,

and to all be providence beholden!

 

 

 





 

 

Author notes

Theme: Thankfulness. Grateful appreciation of our soldiers, Past, Present and Future.
Resources: "The Patriotic Anthology" by Peter Van Doren. Copyright 1941, Doubleday, Doran & Company INC.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • MysticalRayne
    May 3, 2008
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    Oh so very true ~ your wording is exquisite ~ congrats on the gold


  • Pollycheck
    April 20, 2008

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    Thank you for entering my military contest. You have penned a wonderful tribute to the serviceman with this write. You can be very proud of your poetic abilities.


  • Blooming Poet
    March 17, 2008

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    WOW, SUCH A TALENTED POEM PENNED HERE.
    I like how it in some areas tells a historic tale, we all know so well, in a new light that is beautiful.


  • takemypainaway
    March 7, 2008
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    amazing write thank you for the admeration to my hubby

    i loved this

    --kat

  • Macsword
    March 7, 2008

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    Award Well Deserved

    from these thankful patriotic eyes

    see Freedom from a wound arise,

    Would like to know the mind behind such great lines. Such a well stated thought.


  • nichtmich silver member
    March 7, 2008

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    Small wonder that you garnered the Golden Cup. This is really stirring and well presented. The third stanza is most certainly my favorite. This Marine Mom salutes you!


  • Animarising
    March 7, 2008

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    Yes, it's good, but a bit sickly at the end. I guess that goes with patriotism but it kind of spoiled it a little for me (like the end of the film Independence Day...ew!)

    Really like the first stanza, particularly the italicized 'before' . that works brilliantly. In fact this stanza works way better than the others in my view. But overall, yes a good write, but less penetrating and enlightening than it could have been.

  • Matthew-Parry
    December 19, 2007

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    Patriotism At Its Best

    A well deserved tribute to the men and women who defend our social bliss from the terrors of other worlds!!! Thank you for this escape!


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    December 9, 2007

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    again this is just an aamzing write which really holds a strong message throughout it and really captures the readers mind. well done and congrats on the gold


  • Xelgaroth
    November 13, 2007
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    Very well done! I love the rhyming here, and the message is conveyed well! Very good! One minor suggestion: in the fouth stanza, line 4, perhaps changing "rise" to "arise" might help keep the meter of the poem better. Just a thought. Anyways, great job once again! Keep it up!

    Dan


  • only1love4ever
    November 12, 2007

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    Wow, this is patriotic. It is always a wonderful feeling to see that so many of us care. The world is in a bust, and yet the whole world tends to hearts, those wounded, and those lost, those broken, and those blessed. How so many of us have done our duties, and so many more to do so as well. Each day another battle, each night another rival, but some how we've always managed, and today will do the same.

    My brother is in the war, each day my father prays to relieve him safely back.

    This piece has touched my heart, I am just glad that there are those out there, full of hope in their heart. Who are grateful for the men and women fighting for a brand new start.


  • SerenityNChains gold member
    November 4, 2007

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    I tip my hat to you on this write. I am a very patriotic soul, and hold many dear that currently served, and hhave served in the past. You paid homage welll to those who understand "self sacrifice" for honor and freedom. This reminds me of Lawrence Vaincorts poem "A Soldier Died Today". Bravo.

    Ever you have the time or desire I have one called Patriots you mmay enjoy.

    Blessed be,
    Billie Jean


  • sultan gold member
    November 3, 2007

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    HOOAH!!!

    Although categorizing soldiers of any war as mindless jarheads goes against my personal poetic sensibilities, the 2nd stanza does a good job of explaining the ‘breaking’ and ‘rebuilding’ process of effectively training men for war. When the life of the one standing with you is at stake, the ‘order’ is the only ‘truth’ that matters. It’s an unnatural behavior … or maybe, supernatural … OK, it’s providential. HOOAH brother!!! Sultan


  • Sachiro k-Saruto
    November 1, 2007

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    man...this was so awesome

    i can definately say that our troops, past-present-and future, need thanks from everyone. i truely enjoyed this poem because it reminded me of my 23 year old brother who is currently over seas, and i wish him the best of luck on his journey home, whether he sails the seas on the ship, or through the skies in a plane, or through the gates of heaven itself, i just that he thinks that he has made the right choice by defending the honor and people of the great nation of America.
    i also would like to thank you homewrecker for making such a heart warming poem for all to read---and your points were totally worth spending to put this poem here!!!!!!
    ----peace out Sachiro----


  • PerfectImperfection
    November 1, 2007

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    Very well penned piece of remembrance for those who served, so that we may see the freedom for which they fought. Nicely penned!!!


  • dp robertson
    November 1, 2007

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    Some of the rhyming couplets are a little dodgy but the essence of this piece is good and the message, although being a consistent critic of this war, I don’t agree with, it’s a reasonable effort to get a point across. I’d just watch some of the rhyming, some word choices would give the piece better flow and if people wish to write verse of praise and thanks to past defenders of freedom and present invaders of another country that is entirely your own right wing business.

    David


    • Grimoire
      November 1, 2007
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      do you to think that I have haphazardly lumped all the soldiers of past together with those of today? confusing the simple fact the agendas of the politicians behind our present (or past) engagements are not those serving in uniform or from whom you will see "freedom from a wound rise". If you read this poem it speaks only of past engagements, though I hint at the fact that jarheads are trained to kill, to serve in "any campaign".I am confused about how the sacrifices of anyone who served, past or present can be attributed to a right wing agenda? that is ridiculous, the soldiers are only pawns. I am not politically minded, or claim to know how to debate on politics, but I know what patriotism is.....and the "present invaders" you speak of are the same breed of men who took orders, unquestioningly, to secure the "freedom" you speak of.


  • faithwhisperer silver member
    October 25, 2007

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    I love your rhyme scheme, very effective...kudos! I think your picture and heartfelt words are a touching tribute to your subject...

    • Grimoire
      November 1, 2007
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      Thank you I am glad you liked it and I hope I did those I speak of justice, they deserve it now, then, forever.


  • Star Shine
    October 25, 2007

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    I love the rhyme style of this, and the motion is sublime. This is a great piece, with a strong message and a theme which you do not let slide. The second verse was especially touching to me. Well done.

    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
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      Thanx. I am very content that this rhyming seemed sublime, seamless to you. The second verse is simply my thought of what a Marine endures, remaining thankful through all, and willing to sacrifice unerringly.


  • Gods-Artgal
    October 25, 2007

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    I like this poem very much. I have a brother in the Marine's that I will get to see in December. He is getting married, and I get to be in the wedding.


    • Grimoire
      October 25, 2007
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      Congratulations for all, especially for having someone serving our country. Glad u liked this poem.


  • CherryOnTop
    October 25, 2007
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    Great artistic flow and rhythem. I tuly enjoyed this.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    October 23, 2007
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    I second that-congrats on that Gold and on writing such a fine poemlol


  • Arkbear gold member
    October 22, 2007
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    Ya know......

    ....the more I read this entry....the better it gets.....really nice :)

     

    Congrats on the Gold,

     

    Bear ~

    • Grimoire
      October 23, 2007
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      Thank You !!!!!!!!!!

      First Stanza= Tell your higher power, (BEFORE you lie dying on the ground), all that you are thankful for and you will be rewarded double.
      Second Stanza= Praise and thankfulness of a Marine enduring the pain of bootcamp, his mind emptied like a jar (jarhead) then the mind is refilled to become a war machine, focused, the Devildogs breed instilled.
      Third Stanza=Thankful for all soldiers past or present.The strongest bonds are of comrades, the strongest nation those who support them fully.
      Fourth Stanza=Past wars or present wars, I am thankful for those who sacrificed for my freedom. Everyone should be thankful for them and for the Divine protection our country has had, and still has, will always have.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 22, 2007

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    Definately had a strong message and power within this piece. Great job on taking the gold. I can see why it won. Best wishes in all you do.

    tory

    • Grimoire
      October 23, 2007
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      Thanx

      The message was one echoed throughout our Nations history, simply being thankful for those who serve. With a few other things to be thankful for in the poem, too. Glad you liked it, hope it had clarity....... thanx again

      Ted


  • cutiepie gold member
    October 22, 2007

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    I found this to have a strong message of conviction.Beautifully portrayed, many congratulations on the "Gold"

    • Grimoire
      October 23, 2007

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      conviction........

      Yes, a strongly held belief. Being thankful for freedom is a strong conviction of mine, as should all those who are afforded it. Thanx for the huggles and the flower and such........ Ted


  • trista gold member
    October 22, 2007

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    This is a really nice entry for this POW. I found it to be creative and original, with a good flow and message. Such a disappointment that you don't have POW and your theme in the author notes, as per the rules. It is a full 1 point deduction for each when I score. Can the power of your pen make up for that? We'll soon know!

    Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest.

    Best wishes,
    ~J.

    • Grimoire
      October 23, 2007
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      Yes

      Thank you for the comments. I was only gone from submitting the initial piece for a moment, (just long enough to flip the chicken on the barbeque), I saved the main entry. I returned to make a final revision, and include the prerequisite info in the A.N. but it had already been judged. Oh well, sorry to "disappoint" you in that respect......... Ted

  • Arkbear gold member
    October 21, 2007

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    Interesting entry ~

    I liked the journey this took.....I enjoyed this a lot....not the best write I've seen come through the POW contests, but certainly one of the more interesting ~

     

    You did forget to place the POW and Theme in your Authors' Notes....that'll cost ya a point ~

     

    Please do NOT edit until after your other Judge reviews this ~

     

    :)

     

    Good luck Poet,

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   10

    Flow   9.6

    Depth   10

    Theme   10

    Feelings   9.5

    Grammar   9.8

    Presentation 9.5

    Uncommonness   10

    Sit & Ponder Affect   10

    Ability to follow Rules   9

    Bears Score:  97.4

  • NewJerseyMan
    October 21, 2007

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    Nice

    Very rich and nicely written...

    I write in the same style, except I never rhyme. You might want to check out my stuff - I will certainly look at yours.

    -NJM-

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