Impotent thoughts
born out of
juvenile aspirations
like parasite breeding
on crippled dreams
and stupefied wishes
lingering
to satisfy the
longing creed
like an immortal thirst
buried beneath,
seeking contentment
like
desire sheltering
"the ingrown hope".
A contest entry
- Whatever by Phineas Red.
600 points, ended October 25, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unappreciated Brilliance by KayJay.
1300 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite 1000 pt. Checklist by Ryno.
1000 points, ended July 18, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything your heart desires, prewrites, new, everything! by wendymolly.
555 points, ended July 27, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's (X) by PatheticKt.
550 points, ended August 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 8 by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended October 25, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything!!! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
700 points, ended November 10, 161 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie # 25 of 37! Prewrites...Prewrites...Give me your prewrites!! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
700 points, ended November 22, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
like parasite breeding
on crippled dreams
and stupefied wishes
lingering
to satisfy the
longing creed
Loved these lines! You did an amazing job penning this. It's a great write. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest! -
i loved the metaphors.
unique n original.
good write.
best of luck in the contest.
-Swati
-
This was a very nicely done piece of work that you have written here. It was good. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
-
Nice thought, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Hello, good write you going on here. I like the surrealism held within the lines and the similes were divine
Although, to me, I read this as if it was an enjambment and well, break it up a bit- let the reader agree to the point of view going on here, ya know?
Other than that, yes, this is a good write ~ -
-
thank you for your comments
-
-
fantastically amazing in theme and in imagery! I really
'd reading these thoughts a few times through. Well said!!! and for making my day, you are a contest finalist! take care always,
~pithyAplomB.
-
This is an awesome poem. I love the way you let your feelings flow. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
-
I really liked this... I thought you did a really good job of capturing the feelings and need to find hope. You certainly used great imagery to not only tell but induce feelings with your plaintive words...
From a critical viewpoint (you didn't think I was going to let you off easy did you?
) and just my opinion... I see two issues. First, it's one sentence and I found myself running out of mental air. I think you could break this up just a bit and make twice the impact. Second (and it's not just me - really - spelling counts... juvenile, stupefied, buried. It detracts from the beauty of your work.
I think this is a really nice poem and I think you could polish this a bit and make it a real jewel... Thank you for sharing...Truely, this is what I was hoping for... and it's unappreciated no longer.
Ken
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
