The last lance of sunlight,
‘ere the sky becomes bloody
with the advance of the churning night,
struck the hillside illuminating the encore
falls fashion ‘fore trees laid bare.
The geese haunted by memories,
drop from formal flight into the marshy break
trumpet their cacophonous overture
‘bout the march of shadows, then, blend ~
tuck head into wing ~ in the brown grasses.
The mountains let their chill fingers
fall upon the valley. Roses rush last buds
to blossom, the promise of frost’s nip
cuts short the laggard’s march. The
lachrymose grasses ready to become bejeweled.
Blankets come down from closets,
windows closed, doors sealed, but
before the cold steals the heat from fingers ~
I look up to see the same fat moon
loom amidst a sea of stars upon a wrinkled velvet.
I close my door, snuggle down into bed,
sure all this anguish of color shall pass.
As surely as the rocks of my sorrow
become still on the tongue when
faced with the laughter of my child.
5:37 PM
10/20/07
Alexandria HD, VA
A contest entry
- October's Stun by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended October 29, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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congrats
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I woudl say what part was my favorite, if only I could pick apart on piece.. I can not. It grabs the reader and dances them immediately into this gala... Every line is important and the ending is simply stunning.
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I am honored and humbled in the same breath. My humilty says there is so much left to learn. Thanks for being so engaged with my piece. More so for saying their is nothing that is unecessary in this simple piece. We are forever creating change, dealing with change and wondering at the reason or lack of rhyme. I know my son has seasons and some are not always benign. Yet I trust to his heart and the depth of roots in my good soil. Celebrate every turning season of his heart and seek first the good in the world. Thanks for the gold.
Love, Tom B.
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I so enjoy your writes. Once again you have managed to take me to serenity. I could live in the lands of your lines.
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This is a high compliment. I hope I can always live up to it. I use prayer. I totally surrender when I do. I've seen it create miracles. Thanks for letting me know I create blessings in your life. Love, Tom B.
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Prayer does create miracles. It's what keeps me going. Actually, just tonight it did. I had a severe headache, and my children were being, well children...anyhow I handled things with yelling instead of love. So I stopped and prayed. My kids, two of them, had sore throats all of sudden and had started losing their voices. I prayed and asked forgiveness for the way I handled it. I asked for the headache to go away. Went downstairs, scooped up my babies and apologized. Made them some warm tea, and we said a prayer together. Now my headache is gone and the kids have went to sleep soundly. God is really good. You do always live up to being a wonderful writer.
Thanks for listening to my vents tonight. You are a really good man Tomisb.
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Children are our greatest joy. Even when they have pushed us to our limits, when you hear their laughter, the world is right... Yet another piece to treasure...
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I know many who love the fall and all its riot of colors, but sometimes my thoughts run to the joy of my life and I am overcome with my good fortune. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and share your pleasure with me.
Love,Tom B.
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nice job i never read such inspiring work in this direction anyway i think you did a very great job
thanks for sharing
rose petal desire
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Thank you . I appreciate the joy you found and the time you took to share it with me.
Love, Tom B.
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Absolutely adore the third stanza...
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And so you count the stars above your forever in the dark night knowing the mountain lets the cold fall down from its top.
Love, Tom B.
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awesome job hun with such brilliance and vibrant discriptions of the changing of the seasons beautiful my dear friend well done xx many blessings always xxx
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Thank you. I can only try to capture the way the colors change and the path of migration, how it captures me when the world changes before me.
Love, Tom B. -
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my dear you capture it well and believe me the Autumn beauty in VA is more vibrant than here in IA. xx
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I rememeber going to college in Oregon. It stayed green year around. I missed the fall so much there. Maybe that is why it plays so dear to my heart now.
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I have only lived in Minnesota, Iowa, and Illinois but the season of Autumn has always been my favourite of all tho I do love the gentleness and aroma of a new spring rain and the beauty of new falling snow.
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Sensational!!!!
Loved this piece this was brilliant.
The ending was perfect.
delila
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I just try to capture images, sensations. In this one I used aggressive words to contrast with the colors and scences. I hoped to create a sense of how change is resisted and then in the end have to surrender and celbrate it.
Glad you enjoyed my tumble down a mountain in autumn.
Love, Tom B.
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beautiful image... the photograph as well as that given in the sun... the image you use in the poem is not what I picture as I read, though... I picture evening more, when I read the words of your piece, as they seem more descriptive of night...
wonderful piece!
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I just used the picture because it showed light broken into rays. Your impression was totally correct. it is dusk, a crepuscular moment. End of the day, end of a season ~ I wanted to capture the contrasts and used words that are as agressive in expression to intensive a sense of it being forced upon us as well as the nature of the world. Thanks you are insightful and sensitive to the gifts of words. I am fortunate to have the benefit of your reading. Love, Tom B.
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Blankets come down from closets,
windows closed, doors sealed, but
before the cold steals the heat from fingers ~
I look up to see the same fat moon
loom amidst a sea of stars upon a wrinkled velvet.
Just beautiful, Tom.
I love the wrinkled velvet...just love it.
Soft, and I didn't get sad from this, at all..
Contemplative, thoughtful write.
Yes, stunning is a perfect description...of this write..
Best of luck to you, in this contest...
Jin
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I wanted to let the contrast of the season coming to an end and folding into winters snow be a metaphor for our own seasons and how endings are beginnings full of new hopes and visions. Lots more but you can see the drift. Haven't heard your voice in a while was beginning to worry. Glad to hear from you again. May the Light hold you and your day become a suprise of riches. Love, Tom B.
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This is an absolutely rockin piece of work!!!!! Good job. Last stanza, favorite, although depressing it is great.
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Thanks! Just playing with the way it falls.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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Beautiful description of nature's glory and tied together with your thoughts of you son at the end make it personal and soft. Love, C
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I wanted to take the vision of nature and turn it into a metaphor of the ending of one life time and the beginning of another.
Love, Tom B.
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