Gallivanting past
jade thickets
and ebbing vines,
sullied canopies cradle
hidden eyes behind
jungle enigmas.
into the wild
breathe prudent melodies:
a song of wilderness,
a labyrinth of lullabies,
a tale of the forest,
a masquerade of the woods,
horizons melt
under verdant skies,
and green earth tones
embellish a world
once known to be
so pale.
A contest entry
- I Am Gone To The Woods by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended October 22, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Poems by Avatar of Innocence.
400 points, ended December 27, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Well, finally something not cliche. Just a small question: "into the wild/ breathes prudent melodies"...don't you mean "breathe"? Melodies is plural but you use a singular verb. Otherwise
great juxtaposition.
Your title was quite captivating. But the rest of the poem left something do be desired. I would like to have more sensory words added, because the imagery, though nice, is not enough. You can also cut out a lot of the articles (a, the,) to create something of a chant to add to the powerful description of this poem.
Not a bad poem, all in all, just not good enough. You can leave it in here in the hope no one does better than you or you can submit another poem.
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I appreciated your comment on my Telescopes poem. Thank you for also critiquing this poem.
I entered because I recognized your name from the other comment, and I liked what I read in your comment.
I'm glad I'm not cliche, that's the last thing I'd want to be seen as, for I am not that way at all.
I changed it to "breathe" from "breathes", That was a typo I had meant to fix. Otherwise, I am keeping the poem the same way.
I'll enter another poem if you want me to, as well as this poem, unless you want to take this one out when I submit my next.
Thanks for your time.
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I need a bigger vocabulary
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Beautiful! .>
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Beautiful! Such lovely use of imagery. Very original and intriguing metaphors. I love the woods and I love this piece!
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Oh the desriptiveness of this poem are stupendous...truly a poem well-worked...it fills the senses.
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thank you for the honorable mention
to even be considered good in your eyes is truly an honor itself.
The green trophy matches my colors! haha
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i love love love love love love this.
all your writes create such pictures in my head
& i love it.
your amazing babe!
loveee u xxx
♥
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Very nicely done for the given prompt, an excellent and softly flowing write of nature and its beauty... best of luck...Scott
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Oh yes!
This is an inspired poem. The title pulled me in and I gallivanted immediately. The last verse rates as one of the best piece of poetry I have read. I shall be exploring more of your work. Thanks for sharing. -
you did do a nice job and so well explained!!
i can see the meaning of the pic through your words!!
bet of luck in the contest!!
you wrote all stanza with such persision!!
beautiful peice!!
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Nice wording in this poem good descriptive writing Good luck in the contest you have entered.
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i like it
it's super good, i don't think i could have ever dreamed of something like this -
Actually, I think deodorant sort of ruined the whole thing. When people really stank or really smelled good....you kind of knew what they were all about. Now, who knows?
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Right... lmao
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Oooohhh...
great job with this write!
Love it...perfect for the contest pic!
The final stanza is so richly penned...
Wonderful experience to witness this beauty!
Blessings! Tammy
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