I hate myself for what I put you through
But when you ignore me,
I can’t help it.
I hate myself for what I put me through
But when you ignore me,
I can’t help it.
My tears flow down my face
As I scream at myself to stop.
Stop calling.
Stop yelling.
Stop crying.
Stop shaking from the fear.
I hyperventilate if I don’t call
Don’t try to get a hold of the you,
The person who is ignoring me.
I cry and scream,
Almost die if I’m in the car.
Because I can’t help it.
I can hear myself saying,
I scream at myself saying.
Stop it.
Stop this nonsense,
It’s not going to help if you keep it up.
But my fingers grab hold
And I call.
My feet go to the car
And I drive.
I scream at myself to stop it
I’m only bringing pain onto me.
I scream at myself to cease it,
But I can’t help it.
I pray for it to stop.
But it’s a phobia,
The only way you can stop it
Is through help.
I need help.
Why can’t anyone give me that?
Without this help the only way to stop
Is for the person ignoring me to answer.
Author notes
I explain it to the person who gives it to me most....but they don't understand it. Why can't they understand it? Is it so complex that no one can understand it?? Must I explain it everytime it happens?
The person who does it to me most, all they have to do is answer and I won't bug them so much. I hate myself for bugging them so much...but my brian won't allow me to pass out, and unfortunately that is the only thing I will do if I do not talk to them...or to someone about what is happening. IT SUCKS!
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