I was burning. Her laughter
maraschino and maple red, the blush
upon her cheek. Feelings become
the smoke full of summer
taking off into the clouds, cirrus
cumulus signs of the front passing.
Her promises: utopia surrendering to
its origin: no place. Trust crushed
into the roots finds no answer.
The season of endings, the next
casts a stillness, a pall ~ white shadows.
Where once she burst in blossom,
turned through shafts of light, wove
flavors of delight ~ now, she shed
numbers, participles of belief,
decreed all prior ascensions: fictitious.
Over a margarita, between sips,
my sun goddess left my heart
for the coyote, sucked salt
from evaporated tears.
10:47 PM
10/19/07
Alexandria, VA
In a list
A contest entry
- Favorites IV - Enter if name is on list by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended October 20, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Lovely, Tom..and congrats!...last stanza
Tricky coytote.
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I have developed an aversion for altars
Love, Tom B.
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Worthy Of Gold..........................
was this piece you have so eloquently penned!!!! I just love how you always manage to weave nature into most every one of your poems. ANd that I think is why so many differ on the true meanings of your work. But all I noticed agree that you are an articulate writer. You have this way of writing such stunningly beautiful poems and even though they seem to be filled with nature you show so many others sides of who you are in the beautiful imagery you paint with your chosen words gracefully presented to us your readers. Thanks for sending me to this, another masterpiece woven so gently for all to enjoy!!!~~Toni~~
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I like to take what we know, use it to create a sensual reaction in the reader, as I speak to feelings. This changing of the seasons speaks to both the change of weather and the change in the relationship, contrasting heightening the effect of the event.
Thanks for being so willing to enjoy this poem. Your joy in my work multiplies mine. Everything is increased in the sharing.
Love, Tom B.
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my dear friend a well deserved Gold you express so much emotion and wondrous sensory experiences within the beauty of your words. Thank you dearly for sharing it with me. xx
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I rarely dance with words like I danced in this one. I tried a few subtle idea in this poem. I contrasted between passion in language and articulate philosophical thought.
Thank you for enjoying this one.
Love Tom B.
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Oh this is so very delightful... Intense yet smooth...
very clever and creative.
This was another Sensation in my book. Apparently others agreed with me since I am being winked at by a beautiful shiny gold here
delila
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Thank you. I just wanted to layer meanings and metaphors so the moment struck with clarity sans the melodrama. Often, we hide our pain with drama instead of honoring it.
Love, Tom B.
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beautiful... intense... love the imagery and I find the closing stanza especially brilliant!
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Thanks, I don't know if I can handle the term briliant I had a time getting this one to come to peace with what I wanted to portray. I have been reading alot and in a different way. Listening to the world differently. I guess it shows. Glad you enjoyed this one. Love, Tom B.
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You so deserved that Gold! This was so deeply wrote with passions heart sad at the end but loved it !
I am a simple person so no big comments from me but all i can say is WOW!
Enjoyed reading as usual!
your friend
~Lisa~
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Thanks for your belief in me. It is a wonderful gift. I am glad you enjoyed this.
Love, Tom B.
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I am not at all surprised that you won Gold here dear brother. I love the colours, the hues of mystique, subtle reminders that love can have its summits, heights, and deepest cores.
"Trust crushed
into the roots finds no answer."
I have been to this place and have caused it to be. It is so necessary that we find ways to eliminate as much pain as possible. Love is a tender gift. We must unwrap it with delicate handling. Mold it into the better thing. Your words are indeed heartfelt, and very poignant Tomis. You always make me read your work at least three times. LOL Beautiful!
Just today Tom, I was able to see a blessed mending, healing of spirits. I had hurt a fellow actor/friend that called me Mom. Hurt them to their heart by speaking out of turn. Not thinking before I spoke, I said something that nearly ruined the person. Now, what I spoke was Truth, but sometimes we would do well to keep the truth to ourselves and still know it as such. I saw the person today and was able to mend a fence that had crumbled three years ago. I am so lifted now!
Congratulations! I simply love this!
Always ♥
Renee
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In truth we are rarely blessed to see the depth to which our words reach until long after they are out of our reach. My father used to use this analogy about the difference between truth and honesty:
You ask a woman to the ball. it turns out she has longed to go and most of all go with you. She goes to town and does the whole ten yards. You arrive corsage in hand and as she descends the stair case, you realize it is all wrong for her. It would be truthful to say, "Oh god, what have you done to yourself." But, then in truth you would not honor all the trouble she has gone through for you and the ball.
The honest thing to say is, " I cannot believe all the time and attention you gave to this." Perhaps later, if it is really needed you can tactfully find a way to let her know how much more beautiful she is than all her artifice, but perhaps she knows already and the evening's magic would be spoiled by too much focus on the unendurable immutable facts.
Trust is not just about the truth, it is also about how we honor the soul and respect the dignity of the person.
I love your honesty and your willingness to see how you are reflected in anohters heart.
Love, Tom B.
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congrats on the gold trophy this poem is very much worth it. this was a beautifuly written excellent work!
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thanks for stopping and sharing your pleasure with my efforts.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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oh my beautiful congrats on your gold trophy
this is my favorite part
taking off into the clouds, cirrus
cumulus signs of the front passing.
Her promises: utopia surrendering to
its origin: no place. Trust crushed
into the roots finds no answer.
The season of endings, the next
casts a stillness, a pall ~ white shadows.
I love how you describe someone by your descriptions hope i can do this some day
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I couldn't when I started. I sometimes take someone I don't know and just try to describe what I sense about them in poetry. I try to show, not tell and just let my mind collect and play with the images that occur. after years of play I am no enjoy ing some level of pay off. Thanks for all the kind words and joy shared. Love, Tom B.
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The turning of seasons and the ending of somethings just go hand in hand, the metaphors you use in this are beautiful and softly spoken out loud it gives an entire story in a tight package. Congratulations on the gold. Love, C
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Its funny how I got to the opening. I was trying different openings. Found one and wrote half the poem. Lost it. Running out of time. Wrote this during numbers. You might see some of the influences. Finally I saw what I was searching for in the line about utopia. everything coalesced and i rewrote parts to fit. Thank for enjoying it so much. Love, Tom B.
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I adore the metaphors used in this complex write..It tugs and pulls at emotions in each line..
Sometimes its shadows are dark others are intoxicating and allows you light..This is really , really very good my friend..And yes I love the art work...sip it slow...taste just fine..smiles
Congrats..
Peace
~A~
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thanks, life is never just one thing and so much is happening all around us. I wanted to use contrasts to create the feelings and heighten the impact. Thanks for all your kind words. Love, Tom B.
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ery different and vivid. the imagery you create with words....
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I only reflect what I have seen and what I have felt. One can do no more. Sometimes the hardest job is listening to the interior being. Love, Tom B.
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Wrapped Up In Love
you weave such a vivid tale in hues of passion. This is truly gold, becuase the metaphors are excellent. I hated her behavior. Once tender, now she hard making a claim it was all fake. I felt a brokenheart when the low-life coyote took her away..Brillant metaphor again. This one is a breath taking write...I saw a man being slowly unwrapped; at the end hurt and holding back his tears....Oh this one touches my heart....................novy
Congrats on the Gold!
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Thanks for all the kind words. I can see you being protective. You are a Moma Bear for sure. I went through my fair share of breakups and watched it happen to my friends as well. Sometimes there are no villians as just faulty methods for protecting feelings.
Love, Tom B.
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Simply, absolutely, a beautiful write.....stunning for sure...your way with words weaves a beautiful tapestry.
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First thanks for finding this the best amongst your entries. It took a while to find my voice for this one. Glad I could sing this song before the contest ended.
I wanted the richness of the world and the season as a counter point to the bitterness and emptiness of ending. Thanks for enjoying my weave of words.
Love, Tom B.
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The poet does his self and the reader a service. When we explore and expose the raw reality of a relationship ending when it is still raw we may not always find a poetic voice but the poet has allowed the seasons to weather the weight and now reveals with pure poetry imagery with clarity and emotion that is felt.If you are invited to enter a compact and concise write another time then this could work with the first and last stanza by themselves too.Particularly liked the usage of colour to depict the raucous laughter.Super.
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I couldn't write for the longest time, when it came to this contest. I would stare at the picture and the title and draw blanks. When I finally wrote this, it came not like an eruption; no, it oozed out over the course of an hour or so. The images, too, ate their way out of the paper burning off excess, leaving my fingers raw. Yet, I am happy, very happy with this piece. It is vibrant, immediate and catches the shock and acid of an ending with little of the melodrama.
Thanks for review and the insights. You are right, my opening and endings are often super tight. I am working to have the whole poem there.
Love, Tom B.
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Cupid blind, playing cards with Campaspe...
Tomis, white shadows in seasons of endings, pallid because we never see it coming in flashes of fire and and the arch of rainbows. I do love marachino cherries, but they leave an addictive bite on the palate and a thirst nearly unquenchable.
Love, ~ Karen
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We are here for the community. So I comment. This is truly a poem about the year and the season's turning. I loved marachino cherries as a child. Now i have worse addictions.
Love, Tom B.
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Wow! This is an amazing example of lively imagery and metaphor. And it does lift the spirits to partake of it's beauty... Thank you sir, for sharing this with me, I will aspire to it...
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This is a tale of relationships ending. The season's turn and passing. But you see I only showed it. Only now, for instructive purposes, am I telling.
Love, Tom B.
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