Her mother wore aprons
with thrushes
looking for nests
and roses the color
of borsch,
and her grandmother
always wore
that brown hair
in a tight round bun.
Sometimes she
tucks her feet under her
hand-painted skirt
and looks in the mirror,
seeing rows of
blue-eyed women
shrinking with age.
She told me once
that she feels like
she’s split in two,
even though she’s certain
it’s her heart
that’s cracked
and not her middle.
The woman
farthest away
carries her chicken
with hollow hands
the texture of bark
and the color of wood.
Author notes
Matryoska (матрёшка ) are Russian nesting dolls. Please be critical - I know this piece isn't quite "there" yet.
In a list
A contest entry
- Your Story by FindingFaith.
450 points, ended October 21, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest: Get Published! (Last Chance!) by tinuelena.
1200 points, ended December 12, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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shrinking with age but always a hen in hand. Just a fascinating poem and I've seen a couple contests on the Matryoschka and this stood out for me, to answer your question. Congrats on the pub, well done!
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Oh I like this poem and the concept or metaphor you've applied here. You've carried that concept through from start to finish and you've done it so well. I have a set of these russian dolls myself but I need not have a look at them again - your words showed them to me.
Congrats on being included in the AP 2nd book project - well done!
~ Nicolette
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I love this. What a unique subject, and your personification is spot on.
I like 'children' as well, just because I don't normally associate chicken-carrying with matryoshka.
Love the last lines though... hollow hands, the texture of bark and the color of wood... breathtaking.
Thanks for the entry, I'm excited to put it in the book!
Elizabeth -
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I am glad you enjoyed it.
I'm assuming there will be information forthcoming about how to get it ready and all, but I think there may be a bit of editing to be done with it before then... Thanks again!
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I'm with this one all the way until " carries her chicken with hollow hands" because at first read I wanted it to be "children" but maybe because I was not aware of the definition of the title until the author notes. Are you sure you want that bit of info buried there? well done.
. Rewarded 6
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Thanks! Actually...children might work there too lol. I'll ponder it a bit.
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I don't know if you did this on purpose or if you have a nasty habit because I haven't read enough of you to know which it is, but you make a lot of references to color. I've generally thought of that as a cheap (and ineffective)route to imagery, but it seems like it might be purposeful in this poem. I'm not fond of it, but that's a personal preference.
Also, something in these lines tripped me up
it’s her heart
that’s cracked
and not her middle.
although I don't know what it is yet. I might come back and let you know if I ever figure it out.
It's not a bad poem really, I just think it lacks something to really strike the reader. -
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Wow, that was a quick cup of joe lol. Yes, I do like colors, don't I? I don't think I've ever really noticed that before. I should watch that in the future and see if it really is a nasty habit lol. And I think you found the one line in this whole piece that I was the most unsure about. If I ever figure out what it is about the cracked heart I'll do something about it...until then, it remains the chink in this piece that will bother me eternally. lol.
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This is good. My only suggestion is here...
and not her middle,
and the woman
farthest away
carries her chicken
with hollow hands
the texture of bark
and the color of wood.
The second line and is not needed. Simply 'the woman' would suffice. Great piece. Thank you. -
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I agree. Sometimes I tend to get and-happy. lol
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I used to be real and happy. Filler word happy actually...lol. I had some great poets here on ap help me tighten my stuff up. Sometimes I have to go through several reads of my own work to see what I can take out. I am still guilty of it...
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