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The Toast

She lay upon the leather sofa
In the middle of her beloved library.
Though she was slumped over the edge,
A smile of contentment still lingered
On her ringlet-framed face.
Her bare feet rested against the arm
And her ankles were hidden amongst
Three layers of an angelic white negligee.

The silk blended with her skin against

The chocolate surface of the couch.

 

Her eyelids concealed a pair of

Hopeful blue eyes, stories untold.

An empty wine glass was laid to rest

In one palm, traces of gray powder

Still lay, clinging to the bottom.

In the other hand--a note,

Settled loosely between two fingers

Edges frayed, swaying with the gentlest

Breeze from the open window.

In splattered black ink:

 

"Here's to dreaming."

 

Author notes

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • anamchara
    February 29, 2008

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    I do check in on you, quietly for the most part, but with care and interest. I feel compelled to tell you of the evolution I can see and feel in your work. It has become thoughtful, vivid and moving in its pictoral quality. You painted a visual that is unmistakable and exceptional.
    blessings,
    ~k


  • EternalIrony666
    December 11, 2007

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    I'm not good with critical comments, but not much of that is needed anyway for this poem. Great Job...


  • Knight70 silver member
    November 12, 2007

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    I am without words....

    I'm a novice poet, so I don't have a lot of experience with critique yet, but I am learning as I go. You are an incredibly talented writer. It's hard to believe you are as young as you are. Without a doubt, you are a born writer. Every line is undulated magic. You have this extraordinary gift with imagery in all of your writing. I find this prose captivating. I truly hope to write with this degree of ability one of these days. With a lot of practice, I will get there.

    I read through this much slower than I usually read, just to get absorbed in the imagery. I have to wonder what she was reading in the note. Was she dreaming about a romance that she had been reading about in her beloved library, or possibly one that reminded her of a love that she knew she couldn't have? I felt her lingering sadness, as it evolved into despair, toward the end. Yet, her contentment shows through, almost as if she knew that she would be united in the afterlife with a love that she found, beckoning to her, on a shelf within the bindings of dusted leather.

    Knowing how you aspire to be a screenwriter, you definitely are headed in that direction. I have no doubt that your name will be on the credits of many screenplays in the future. Knight70

    • star wars fanatic
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Oh my! Thank you so much for the extended comment! I'll let you in on the secret. I wrie this poem at the point in my life where everyone seems to be "growing up." Not in the good way like getting more knowledge and become a better person, but giving up dreams and settling into a safe existence. I mourn that loss through this poem. On a lighter note, I am very flattered by the compliment and thank you very sincerely. Perhaps you can share some tips on haiku and I will share the little I know about prose.


  • love my kee
    October 30, 2007
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    this is beautiful.
    your still and always will be a wonderful writer.


  • Lexi 1992
    October 29, 2007

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    this poem seems more like a story than a poem. It's a very good one though. Wow.. its a winner...maybe i'm wrong..

  • the chase
    October 21, 2007

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    This isn't a poem, it's prose with line breaks. That's entirely okay though, I like it very well. The title makes me think that the toast in the piece is the Ultimate toast, it's not just 'a' toast, it's 'The' toast. The imagery is good.


  • And Hyetal
    October 21, 2007

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    yaaaaaaaaaayyy!!!

    Okay, I'm not the best at critical comments, but I'll try! I think this was very well written! The whole theme, a toast, was great! It was really tied together with the last line. The imagery was great and I could see everything described here.

    I'm definately going to bookmark this!!! This poem = !!!



    Always,
    Cassie


  • Jadon
    October 19, 2007

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    Very visual!

    The first thing I noticed was the depth of detail in the images you wrote of. That depth of detail caused me to read slowly, lingering over the images before moving on. If I did not see what you saw, I was very close.
    The first poet I have seen use this background and very appropriate to the mood of your write. The ending had my attention as you displayed "in the other hand--a note". I found myself speculating, anticipating... perhaps a love note? You ended very well.
    Sad, yes but the story was touching and told well. I felt her to be very pretty and was sorry to see her end and yet felt that perhaps she was now at liberty and contented, maybe even happy.
    I know you have a gift, you put 'life' into this poem and your effort paid off. Very well done star wars fanatic. You can be proud. Jadon


  • Melodies
    October 19, 2007

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    an elegant poem!

    Inspiring the reader to write something that does not rhyme and is filled with images and beauty... like this choice write! Stimulating thoughts that gave me a smile as I read.

1 - 11 of 11