pavor nocturnus

drift to sleep in the midday silence
and wake to a darkening sky
i'm getting too used to this empty bed
and these circles under my eyes
with one too little you in this room
I hum my own quiet lullaby-

cause i'm a little too old to cling to this scream
and a little too young for these things that i've seen
and I can't grasp them now, can't remember the dreams
but it's enough to rip me apart at the seams

can't find solace in the darkness
i'm paralyzed, praying for light
midnight jumping at shadows
and steeling myself for the fight-
'cause the bruises are gone but the ache
but the ache keeps me awake in the dead of the night

cause i'm a little too old to cling to this scream
and a little too young for these things that i've seen
and I can't grasp them now, can't remember the dreams
but it's enough to rip me apart at the seams

heart pounding, i'm choking back tears once more
and reaching for something to hold
I just wish I could feel your warm breath on my cheek
cause this room- god, this room is so cold
and I pull my knees to my chest and I whisper
'embrace the new, let the old be the old'

i'm a little too old to be frozen with dread
checking for things hiding under my bed
but the monsters are memories that live in my head
and you're miles away and i'm hanging by a thread

cause i'm a little too old to cling to this scream
and a little too young for these things that i've seen
and when dawn breaks i'll know this was all just a dream

but until then, i'm ripping apart at the seams