Chagrin strangles me like a nightmare
In tight sheets.
Things fall apart.
They fall
To pieces. They clatter
At the bottom of my memory.
What I fake will break what I’ve made,
These dark, furry holes make me shiver
And shake.
Idle hands turned upward, I lie here and wait.
I wait. The weight
Is more than I can take.
But I’ll wait here still
Calmly,
Ten thousand more years. Ten years ago,
Where I began I still stand.
I stand still,
Too Still.
An obelisk of secrets, her towering gaze rivets me.
This infliction still lingers,
Illusive and lonely.
I’m the fool with the issues, but pain is my game.
Hiding behind this peroxide lie,
The sirens keep singing,
And I can’t stay away.
Author notes
This is kind of 'Part I'....I'm still working out the 'Part Two'...(the second piece is now up, 'Bracelets Work'.)
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Yes, line 8 is a shout out to Robert Smith.
A contest entry
- Almost Anything Goes by bloodletter68.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 132 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dying Is The Latest Fasion by SoundsOfSilence.
800 points, ended April 5, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let the Darkness Come by MichaelLeeSmyth.
700 points, ended April 7, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drugs and Eating Disorders by Dlvvanzor.
410 points, ended April 25, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Excellent!
Thanks for entering!
-Dlvvanzor -
Remembering the mistakes of the past helps one to not continue down a path to nowhere, sometimes it can paralyze. The weight of our history pressing as stones at a witch trial. Hesitation and doubt enforcing entropy.
I really like the "obelisk of secrets" stanza, very well done.
"But I hear those sirens calling, and so I am not free, I didn't want to be" A. Cooper-"Ballad of Dwight Fry"
Good luck in the contest
Peace
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Love the picture.
This is good, fits well with part two. -
Cleansing write in a painful sort of way; powerful and stinging images which match the title perfectly (yes, I do understand why one might use peroxide.) The description of hands is excellent. Part II really does fit nicely (ugh, I don't mean that, exactly, but it does FIT) You have a true gift for writing.
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I really love this and I love the way you write. I can feel the depression and the pain here. You're very talented. I love the imagery that you create and the descriptions that you've used. Wonderful job and thanks for entering.
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great job
good luck in the contest
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Im a bit lost on this one
I wish I could understand it better to give a better comment .
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It is very vague and meandering...
***Peroxide is the best way to clean blood stains.***
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I love this
its amazing. -
The pain that you are feeling is heartwrenching and the solitary is immense.
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An inspirational read... You paint images beyond the wildest imagination... This poem creates a vivid imaginary and astounding details and description... I have to read with prudent excite to savor the beauty of your words...
What I fake will break what I’ve made,
These dark, furry holes make me shiver
And shake.
Superbly written...
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a belated reply..
Just so you know, that part that you quoted...well, yes I configured it...but it's very much a 'shout out' to a line from a song by The Cure. So kudos to Robert Smith.... Just had to add that!
Thanks though....BTW, I LOVE you UserName!
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flows nicely imagry is sweet i can see what u r talking about
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I like the new 19 better, I think it flows just fine. This is wonderful piece draped in imagery. Great job with this.
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I like the image at the top, good poem!
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Little
At times is understood. Hidden thoughts & pain lasting for what seems an eternity. One very deeo write. Your mind... Oh well I think you got yourself a winner
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I like your new version of line 19 better, and it flows well; too bad about your addiction, I can't really help you much when it comes to that kind of addiction, as I have a hard time keeping food out of my mouth, not in it. I did kick the cigarette addiction I had, and I can tell you that you have to want to quit, to quit; when it comes to the smoking problem. Just try to remember nobody likes a girl that is toooooo thin, and maybe that will help pull you out of it. Good luck, Tony ¦:¬{
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Deep and profound.
I found a lot of desperation in this, the need to be comforted and understood. The lies that you tell yourself and feel others tell you, make you want to flee into a dark place where you can hide from the images you see in your mind. When you break the cycle then you will find the peace you seek and the self love that you deserve. Bless you for shareing this with us. You have shown others that they are not alone in this anguish. Well written excelent piece.
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I love the way your words ring so clear to those who know what you speak of, and remain a mystery to those who do not recognize. Great pice
Carrie
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Well.. you've certainly painted the shadows well, Kasey - no question marks.. a clear view on the vicious circle embroiling the peace. Original in concept and presentation - a stimulating read.
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I thought i already commented on this
oops!
this was brilliant. as i mentioned before, i love your style. it's different which is refreshing. it captures..and even better, keeps my attention, thats not always an easy thing to do.
Tasha
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Great word choices
made for excellent imagery
but most of all
I felt you,,and that's what
I loved about this piece
the emotion behind the pen!
~Pastel
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An obelisk of secrets, the dark cracks whisper to me.
This disease is still lingering,
Illusive and lonely.
These lines really stood out to me. This is an awesome write, both intriguing and very unique. Very well penned with a superb flow!
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i don't see how this pertains to eating disorders, unless that's the "disease" your talking about........... good write though.
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"But I’ll wait here still
Calmly,
Ten thousand more years. Ten years ago,
Where I began I still stand.
I stand still,
Too Still."
this, to me, was the most real part of the poem...the part where i felt like i was hearing your true voice and feelings...i love it! -
Alright, I love your poem. It's fantastic. I did notice that you seemed to use the words 'still' and 'wait' a lot. It got kind of repetitive but as a whole, the poem was absolutely wonderful. I loved it. Well done.
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why do we write no one know,yet the poet feel,its a mysterious issue and as you have writen "This disease is still lingering"
a beautiful disease run in veins with a revolution of passion,lust,anger and love...
why do we write? do you really want to know!!!?
cause after writing we read again and say...SPECTACULAR. -
Very good poem. I like the play on the words wait and weight. Especially considering the topic of the poem. I would consider changing the "more than I can take" part of the stanza. There is some assonace in that stanza that doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. Other than that, though, this is a strong write. Nicely done!
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This is my favorite part
Despondence strangles me like a nightmare
In tangled sheets.
Things fall apart.
They fall
To pieces. They clatter
At the bottom of my memory.
This a wonderful write keep up the good work
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this is dark and i love it.....it flows great and your word play works well....I look foward to "Part Two"
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i loved the last stanza the best. i think this would be great as a dirty pretty poem rather than just a free verse, but it was still well written. well done. - jojo
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thank you for your nice comments, I appreciate it a lot. I really don't like being labeled though...there's no point. It is what it is....free verse, dirt pretty(whatever that is), random words spelled out like a scrabble board...I don't care, hahaha. Its how it makes you FEEL.
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Wow. It was like I was watching it all. You describe everything beautifully. Keep up the good work!
~Fear
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very good
i enjoyed this piece...good write...keep on writing..neways....ty for joining my site...
i give you 10 points
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First let me welcome you to AP. It is always nice to have some new voices..You have done a terrific job with this piece. I feel the pain and conflict of many other emotions as well. You have mastered emotion, imagery, and story all at once. great work.
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The poem was awesome in every aspect! it showed imagery, emotion, and a compelling story!
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The ending summed everything up nicely. I suffered with anorexia many years ago. Looking back, I can't stand to see myself, but in the moment, it was normalcy...therein lives the lie...it's all in your mind.
best regards, and hopefully soon you can look at this in retrospect in a body that forces a smile.
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