The sun beams down
Beads of sweat appear
On my face as I
Wonder along
Passing through
Unfamiliar Grounds.
I sit on the ground
Someone's son
Passes by
Disappearing for a
Long time, according to
The face on my watch.
Wiping sweat off my face
I look around
Longing for shelter
From the hot sun
To appear as
Time passes in a hurry.
A breeze passes
Caressing my face
Then disappears as I
Lift myself off the ground
And walk toward the sun
Taking long strides Hoping
That my trip won't be long.
I pass by a store where
A picture of the suns'
Face and a man
Sleeping on the ground
Happen to appear.
Feelings of despair disappear
I'm back where I belong
I look around me
People walk past me
A happy little face approaches
Belonging to my son.
We sit and watch the sun disappear
Taking long looks at each others faces
Just sittin around letting the time pass.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Well done!
Congrats on being Featured,
Sept. 4, 2009! ~ Tim
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This is such a powerful poem... I love the imagery it produced, I could almost feel the sweat beading off my own face...very well written!
Blessed Be,
Jeremy
Site Greeter
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this is superb!! such an enjoyable write
thank you so mucf for sharing!!
with love and blessings
Rend
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like the echoing of sun/son thru the poem.
might want to consider making that more vivid and the story more of a background.
really enjoyed the write. thanks.
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Great use of imagery. I like the rhythm of the poem. Great job!!
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I felt as if I was there, watching the story unfold myself. the imagery was wonderful, and I could almost feel the sun on my own face. for some reason, I had this flashback of reading a page out Albert Camus' Stranger. It was just hte feeling that I got from it. Anyway, wonderful piece, wonderful writing, great job, and well done. :]
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A very excellent piece
.
The imagery was amazing.
Keep up the hard work.
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Wonderful imagery in this piece. I loved this piece.
Congrats on being featured.
Great write
So moving.
xoxo.
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Wonderful imagery, those moments passes with slow definition kinda lost till
something or someone finally wakes us up out of time.
I enjoyed this read.
Congrats on being featured!
~Lisa~
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Beautiful images and lines throughout ~ love the ending stanzas!
Well done, I enjoyed the read!
~ Tim
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Read it twice, it is truly a very moving and I can relate to it. Thanks for sharing and congratulation at being nominated "featured poem of the day".
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congrats on being the featured one today..i love this poems style...and so much that it says makes it very beautiful and soothing.brilliant!
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This is very beautiful and filled with some lovely imagery.
Well done and congrats on being Today's Featured Poem!
Keep up the wonderful work here and thank you for sharing
this piece with us here today!
Jeremy0826 -
Todays Featured poem!
This poem speaks of those moments in life when things seem dark,
things seem to going the wrong kind of way and then when you
lest expect it the sun starts to shine and all things are
back to being the way they are meant to be.
I like it, I like it so!
awannabepoet
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I like how there is tension at the beginning of the poem, but it becomes more relaxed after your son enters the piece. This starts out sad but has a sweet finish that makes this piece all the more satisfying. Another wonderful piece from you.
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This is truly beautiful and a most enjoyable read once again. I think I have found another favorite here in your pens. Thank you for sharing,
Evan
(you gotta write more!)
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i love your style.
Great poem.detailed and wonderful.
Yourpalbones
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This is a very detailed piece of moments fleeting. All those little things that often go unnoticed... The flow here seems to lose track from time to time; but overall a well thought piece! Take care!
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We encounter, in our lives, many stops/pauses/go, but often fail to see its relevance until near the end or when we can share it with another.
Just as in life, I found myself getting lost in the convolutions of the words written. I would have liked too see this a little more clearly written. Contemplation is what it appears to be about.
~Starr~ xxx
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