Written By Lisa Morris
I hate it when you laugh at me.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate it when you walk away.
And I see that you don't care.
I hate it when you yell at me.
I hate it when you make me cry.
I hate it when you say to me
"For all I care you can die".
I hate it when you're mean to me.
I hate it when we fight.
I hate it when you say cruel things.
Like the way you did last night.
I hate it when you threaten me.
I hate it when you see my fear.
I hate it when you break me down.
You no longer kiss away my tears.
I hate it when you call me names.
I hate it that you don't love me.
I hate it that I try so hard
And still live with misery
I hate it when I feel alone.
I hate it when you're just not there.
I hate it when I think of days gone by
And all the good times that we shared.
I hate it when you punish me.
I hate it, the things you do.
I hate that my soul is lost.
And now I sit here crying over you.
I hate it when I feel uncomfortable.
I hate it when I feel bad.
I hate it when I want to die.
Because I always feel so sad.
I hate it when I feel empty.
I hate it when I cry.
I hate it that you're going to leave.
And not even say good-bye.
Author notes
And that is how I'll always feel.
DarkestAngel68
A contest entry
- The real World.......prewrites allowed so ENTER by trace3grls.
525 points, ended November 24, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thats exactally how I felt till my ex moved out, now I am jaded and fearfull. Beautifull poem!
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awww honey I'm sorry you feel this way... if its any comfort, I feel the same... he's being the exact same way to me... not even saying sorry, being mean to me... refusing to talk... i just felt each word that you said and it almost spoke my melody, you know? sorry you feel my pain, I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone... great write though sweetie. Good luck in the contest.
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You made me feel the emotion. Good Luck in the contest
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Good luck. It was an interesting read to say the very least.
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Judge Says
Great poem...i'm already commented it. thank you for entering and good luck in my contest
~Dommi -
I hate it when you call me names.
I hate it that you don't love me.
I hate it that I try so hard
And still live with misery
Ok so this poem is my life story thus far. You captured great emotion in this I'd loved. I'm going to go make my friend read this.
~Dommi
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WOW!!! A poem full of emotion. Good luck in my contest.
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great write well done ty for entering
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I can definately relate to this one! Great flow. It was nicely written.
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Very well written. I can relate to this one in a way, mostly with the last stanza. It was a pleasure reading this. Thanks for entering into my contest and good luck to you.
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Sounds like me. I had a friendship/relationship like that. But he was an ass and he didn't mean anything he said, any good thing anyways. I knew he did it to get under my skin and it worked until I told him off. I do hate the relationships where you hate your partner and you love them at the same time it's like hell for you.
Great emotion was put into this poem which makes it a killer. -
Very good sense of weak and strong beats in the poem - this is especially important for rhyming pieces like this one. The beats were only noticably off on two lines - "You no longer kiss away my tears" has the no act as a second straight weak beat. Switch to a two-syllable word (never, for instance) to alleviate the problem. The second line, "And all the good times that we share" has the same issue. Remove "all" and all will be fine. Good flow of narrative, no stupid typos, and a astrong voice. Pretty much a good poem all around, except of rhte subject matter, whcih has been done to death. But hey, what can you do? It's all been done before.
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