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Hope for Amends (Kyrielle)

When noble hate commands the day
And blissful mist obscures the play
Against pride, conscience ought contend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

Ancestors grieve lost wisdom’s sake
Forgetful kings, past sins remake
With honest quills must scribes portend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

With stout vainglory liars prance
Inciting crowds to join the dance
No more can disbelief suspend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

On grave of truth dark fortunes rise
Black tears as rain from smoke-fouled skies
Corrupted flags will vengeance rend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

Each soldier felled on distant shore
Sows bloody seeds of endless war
These troubled gardens we now tend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

Let none use faith as sword, or shield
Through love build trust, with kindness, heal
With guarded hope cool hands extend
Torn nation's creed, we must amend

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    December 28, 2007

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    Mallig Excellent flow and rhyme with this marvelous poem Congrats on your Gold Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck


  • Whenitefallz
    November 12, 2007

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    My fair dear, thou dost entrance
    a trickle to stream, in it's pagan dance
    And stream shall flow to rivers width
    Into ocean's mass, and depth to give. . . .

    The cadence here is beyond definition. If only the place we dwell would all sing this tune.. Beautifully written!


  • Griswold
    October 31, 2007

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    Very nicely done and a credit to the form, flows very nicely from start to finish and speaks of a good subject. Congrats on the Gold...Scott


  • CitrineSunrise
    October 31, 2007

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    This was beautifully written. The flow and rhyme were exact, and the content was very thought provoking. Unlike one of the other critiques I found "noble hate" to be descriptive of many hearts, even if it is an oxymoron. The "righteous" believe their hatred is valid. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz

  • Ithica silver member
    October 30, 2007

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    This is one of the best poems I think I have EVER read. It subject matter is far reaching, yet current. I am also unfamiliar with the requirements of Kyrielles, but your sentiments are well expressed throughout. It is reminiscent of one of my favorite AP poets, who writes of the victorian period. I think this is top notch stuff. Good luck in this contest...

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    October 20, 2007

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    Well, now ...

    I have to say that you've got a good premise here. I have serious reservations about "hate" being "noble" though. Have you really thought that out? Hate is vile and disgusting. I don't think "noble" really applies to such an emotion.

    Anyway, I am not familiar with kyrielles, but others seem to think you've handled this well enough, so I'll take their word for that. It seems that most of this makes sense, and that your heart is in the right place. All in all, not a bad job.


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 19, 2007

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    rich with wisdom, wonderful expression within the form, poetry which sings a song like songs of David or Solomon, call for ascendance of love, understanding in the place of violence, our heavens rest within, and in the circle of life we must also reap... So very well done...PK

1 - 8 of 8