He smiled,
and the sky whispered,
raindrops beginning to fall.
If the grass could stand up straighter,
raising itself beneath the rush of water,
I could too.
The sky was nothing like smiles,
black and bruised,
but the water became emotion.
And the puddles form,
those rainbow oil-slicks reflecting
across my face.
Could I smile?
When the rain was coming,
not for me,
but for the release,
the rush of tired relief in explosions.
And it was simple,
the rain was falling and I was
soaking wet,
raindrops falling across my arms.
And he smiled.
Author notes
... I dont know if this is what you wanted... I did my best to be less prosey and adjective-ladden, which is common in my poetry. Simple is hard...
A contest entry
- The Ultimate Sophistication by autarky.
700 points, ended November 30, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Simple IS hard. If you're who I think you are, you did a really good job for your first attempt. The repetition was really nice. My favorite part was probably the first three lines in the second stanza--I love the image of grass bent beneath the rain.
The last, oh, about 2 lines of the first three stanzas, the personification and metaphors, aren't exactly simplistic. But you're definitely getting there. I guess you could say simplistic is more straightforward, implying metaphors, but letting the reader find those metaphors out for his/her own...
As a poem overall, however, this was truly beautiful!
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