Sorrow, anger, rage, joy, relief,…
Guilt.
Feelings all felt when dealing with the fact that you survived.
They call it Survivors Guilt.
Such an insipid phrase for the depth of feeling that haunts the soul.
To live with the knowledge and belief that it should have been you.
To question every thing you know and love.
Always plagued with the question of why?
Why me?
Why them?
Why did it happen?
Why could I not save them?
Why, Why, Why?
I sit here and cry, I rage, I sorrow for all the unanswered Why’s.
Why was I not fast enough.
Why was I not strong enough.
Why was I not giving enough.
Why could I not take their place.
Why, Why, Why?
I sit here and I am comforted by those who love me.
It is not your fault they say.
It is gods will that it happened this way.
I sit surrounded by those who love me and I listen,
To all their reasons why I was the one spared
The hallow feeling in my heart says their has to be more.
Why was I so loved?
Why were they not loved enough?
Why what is so special about me?
Why were they not as blessed as I?
Why, Why, Why?
In the depths of my soul I ponder all the unanswered Why’s.
And still I keep a secret in the dark hidden part of my soul.
I harbor a feeling that is more plaguing than all of the unanswered why’s.
So deep inside my self I dare not remember.
The true reason my soul anguishes as though already sent to hell.
For in the moment of choice when I knew it not to be me.
When the other was chosen to die in terror all alone.
For a brief second in time it was not sorrow, or anger that was felt.
But it was such a joyful feeling of relief that it was not me.
So much more plaguing than all of the questions of Why.
That is the secret shame that is called
Survivor’s Guilt.
Author notes
Can any one truly forgive themselves for surviving?
A contest entry
- 26 to 30 ages enter your best prewrite Judged by RedwingSpirit.
700 points, ended January 18, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all HM winners! by Cat10.
850 points, ended May 19, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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thanks for entering! this is a really emontional piece! my goodness, you did a great job! and good luck in the contest!
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I think this was a grreat poem
worthy of that HM
and even more
because it was a great
comment.
Survivor's guilt,
sucks.
And now i know why.
And good questions
you ask on this poem.
...Simply Me♥ -
I disagree with the below comment....
the why add for me I too have survived and it makes you
no longer relize why...
I completly understand this feeling this is a terribly
sad and heartfelt poem
--kat -
Sorry but i have to ask why so many why's.
It detracts (for me) from the good points intended, By continuous repetiton it loses impact and comes across like a child questioning an adults reasoning.
Perhaps that is the intention of you good writer but for me it does not work,I would rather just a series of questions after the introduction without the repetition. -
Wow! I can't say that I can relate but I really felt the emotions that are portrayed, this is an excellent piece
Keep writing, you're very talented ^_^ oxox <333 Amber
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to surive in life is the way, we get caught up in guilt at times for just being but we must stay strong. a good poem.
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it is faith that we need to hold onto in times like this. god know what is needed in the world and he always guides us, it is not for us to ask why. excellent write. god bless
. Rewarded 4
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Wow I am bawling here. Great poem.
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wow, this was so amazing. i was nearly in tears reading this, because i can relate so much. you penned beauty with these words, i loved it.
XXCrimsonRaineXX
. Rewarded 4
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But it was such a joyful feeling of relief that it was not me.
So much more plaguing than all of the questions of Why.
That is the secret shame that is called
Survivor’s Guilt.
Yu did quite a big reserach on the subject you have dealth and the beauty of this concept is that you took this image to frame in the poetry and that is the strength of this wonderful write..a great thought provoking work is here...
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Life and its great mysteries
It is not for us to question why we live and others go, it is for us to carry thier legacy within our hearts and let thier power be with us as we move through this life. Nobody can ever know what it is that makes us all what we are but truly you can understand that to shine in the light that the allmighty has given us certainly helps to light the path through this treachorous journey we call life.
I like it, I like it so!
. Rewarded 8
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beautiful
i don't know if it was a suicide or a regular death you've encountered, but regardless, i feel your pain. Three days ago, my father figure died and i feel so empty inside. My brain buzzes at night with the whys. Why him? Why was he taken from me? Why couldn't i have him just a little longer? And the what that plagues everyone: what did i do to deserve this?
Your poem has touched me and reminded me i'm not alone. Good write and good luck in your contests. -
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My Thanks
I thank you for your kind words on this piece, and I sorrow for your loss. As I too have just lost a father figure. Though that is not what this poem is about. I am glad that it let you know that you are not alone and in the end I am truly happy that it reached you on some level.
Darkest thoughts always
D.C.
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nice write
if you start understanding that life is not in your hands but rather karma you won't feel guilty anymore.
life is bigger than us. too big probably. so just give it over. no resposibility cancels guilt. just leaves pain and acceptance
. Rewarded 4
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it was a good poem. i like all the whys. it gave feeling to the poem.
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it was a good poem. i like all the whys. it gave feeling to the poem.
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*tear* tear*
Ive lost someone close to me. Its been a couple months now but i still think if i had done something different she would still be here with me. "In the depths of my soul I ponder all the unanswered Why’s.
And still I keep a secret in the dark hidden part of my soul." I think alot of people feel like that. I know i feel really helpless and kinda depressed i can relate to your "surviver s guilt" and its a natural thing to feel. Its not you fault im sure you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself.
. Rewarded 8
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Ah yes....
Luckily enough I have not had to deal with this... yet. But I can only imagine the pain of it. I have tried imagining it... and I only shiver at the thought of whatever great friend or family member dying right next to me, and perhaps me only being hurt. Some things are just more painful than anything, even emotional pains like this one. I really do hope though, that this is just a poem, and is not a true story.... let me know?
Great great write...
. Rewarded 8
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I am sorry
No it is not just a story, my poems are a way for me to work through what has happened in my life. They keep me sane more so than any thing els has. When I write the words pierce my soul letting out all the pain and despair. In my words are the first steps of acceptance with dealing with whatever is trapped inside of my soul. Thank you though for your words on my work, I do like to know that even though I write for myself that my word hold meaning for others as well. So till our words meet again, I bid you be happy and well.
Darkest Thoughts Always
D.C.
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amazing. this is such a heartwrenching revelation. Think about how many people especially from 9/11 and the war... struggle EVERY single day with survivors guilt. family of ones that died in the towers, thinking if I'd only done something to make them late. It's a very strong and potentially destroying feeling. Amazing write. I applaud you Poet.
. Rewarded 6
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I will tell you, I almost cried. I am a survivor of a house fire that took my brother. This poem said everything that I feel, and then some. i think it was beautiful, I give you my regards and tell you than kyou very much for sharing this.
. Rewarded 4
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excellent work
Thank you for taking the time to enter this into my contest I wish you the best of luck
RedwingSpirit
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First thing's first.. I can't stand reading 'Why’s' so many times.. the apostrophe seems like it's lonely so sticks itself in there to make friends.. rather than finding a place where it belongs. heh.
I'd call this more of soliloquy than a poem.. but that's obviously just my opinion, and being that this is infact a poem, my opinion is wrong, which is great.
I liked this. Why Why Why, emphasizes the question thoroughly.
Only part I actually dislike is that little 'Authors Notes' comment, but that's not part of the poem so I needn't even bother writing this, but most of the stuff I bother writing is unnecessary.. I don't need to forgive myself for surviving because I don't see it as something which can be forgiven, and if I thought it could be forgiven because it was a negative thing to begin with, I wouldn't feel that I needed to be forgiven because I survive for those who love me, and for their smile.
Thanks for entering this interesting piece. Good Luck. -
The mood set on this piece is wonderful.
My favorite lines:
I harbor a feeling that is more plaguing than all of the unanswered why’s
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing fellow poet.
VIRGOAN
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forgiving onesself for anything is harder than forgiving anyone else, or at least i think so. you have written this well and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that we both have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Thank you poet for your kind and beautiful entry to my contest. I adored this poem, especially these lines:
Why was I not fast enough.
Why was I not strong enough.
Why was I not giving enough.
Why could I not take their place.
Why, Why, Why?
So very sad and poignant. Thank you again.
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Some question will never be answered and some should not be, because it would be too much to bear, and the best way to deal with survivor's guilt is time and the belief that the person who died wouldn't want you to dwell over their death, but remember them in a good light.... that is something that I really would like you to understand, because you always take too much on your shoulders, and it kills the rest of us to see you do that... even though you want to save everyone you loved... one day you will need to be saved, remember that...
In the shadow of darkness,
DarkOne
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Usually I don't like poetry that is so repetitive and erratic. However... I thought that the mood and the flow of this poem voiced the message louder than without. It was like getting into the mind of someone who was overwhelmed with guilt about something... I loved it!!! Nice job. Good luck inthe contest.
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