sirens squeal in the midst of this fall night
I lay still listening
all in one wicked scream, LIFE! DEATH!
life is long
when poisons swims through my veins,
all feels close and substantial,
dreams are righteous and a cup of cold water, my savior
night time bugs chirp with endurance and i lay there.
come morning, coffee and nihilism
A contest entry
- 4:44 - a n y t h i n g by the chase.
900 points, ended October 26, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I can really relate to what you write, I have nights like this.
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this is picturesk. and when i can't spell it you know i really mean it haha
this swarms with vivid images. but maybe i didn't see the same thing you did.... i hate when that happens. this is really beautifully angsty but not that typical shit. i hate that.
"all felt close and substantial."
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Life is long, you say. If only it could be longer... this poem sound so mysterious and dark, but it's obviously written from somebody who feel deep and who know to write. I hope to see soon some more of your poetry.
~Sonja~
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Beautiful piece of writing please keep it up!
Especially the 1st two lines.
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nice
good job space ray , i like your style
very real easy to relate to (at least for me , ha !)
water...ahh you are so soothing !
keep writing , i will scope more -
great stuff!
very visual to the reader.
love the lines, 'life was long when poisons swam through my veins,' & 'dreams were righteous and a cup of cold water, my savior'.
keep up the good work!!!
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there is an expression that good health is the slowest way to die, the idea of how different life might seem in such difficult circumstances is an important idea, and a sign that one wants to see the next sunrise... PK
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*******
Beautiful and sad. Fine description of the experience of interacting with nature and experience and letting emo existentially have a bit of an advantage. God is the light in the darkness, and love is the reason.
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This is strange. Not in a bad way, just in an I don't know what's going on way.
Your first "I" is capitalized but the rest are not. Is there a reason? Also, it goes from present tense to past tense, and I can't figure out if the past tense is a memory or not, and if it is there needs to be some form of distinguishing that, like punctuation between the two lines...
"life is long and i lay there
when poisons swam through my veins"
The last line made me smile. -
Ah, your distinctive style. Wonderful.
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