i walk upon the shadowed ways
ever seeking change.
looking for a difference within myself
a thought i sought to seek
a word i never spoke.
or perhaps i did
just a mite too loudly.
never the less
you defeat my purpose
with your oh so perfect ways.
i am left to pick up the pieces
dropped within the maze.
i am lost inside a circle
of coagulated broken promises
each one linked nay intertwined
with the last and the next.
it matters not to you.
i reach in a hand
to the shattered cavity of my chest
and remove my still beating heart.
like a rabbit out of the magicians top hat
only this is no illusion.
or so i thought
at least that is what i felt.
why do i bother at all
these whimsical flights
of pointless damn fancy.
it has never been a secret
i am like a child playing pretend.
the doctor never fixed me
he put a band-aid on my boo-boo
then told me to go play in traffic.
meanwhile my soul rotted and decayed
and i replayed every battle in my mind.
is it really a battle if you don't stand a chance?
fucking useless doctor
using a band-aid when i needed stitches
lots and lots of stitches.
and still i want to leave this damnable place
without the courage to just put the gun to my teeth.
leave it to me to be to chicken shit
brainwashed by my enemy.
pulling the trigger means damnation
and hell really could be worse.
i could have to look at him all day
pile on another humiliation
have to replay every lie ever told
by every person who ever lied to me.
that is a lot of fucking lies
i don't think many people open their mouths near me
who don't lie outright.
some just to fuck with me
others because thay can.
now i sound paranoid
and the circle shifts.
a new aspect of my convulsing mind appears
and it is just a bit disturbing.
but fuck you and fuck me!
and the pathway is speckled with dapples of light and shadow
back i go
into the darkest dark.
because the light hurts my soul so
don't make me look at me.
not in shadows nor in light
there are scars and marks and bruises i cannot bear to view again.
Author notes
Just a glimpse into my mind.
A contest entry
- Whatever The Hell You Want To Enter [please read the first line] by Nam.
425 points, ended October 21, 2007, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Amen!
In my personal oppinion it is a verry well written piece of work, and i just have to say on grammar..... Sometimes it's best to throw it to the wind, it can prove a point, as can misspelling a word can create a play on words. but aside from that, i'm just a little confused as to why every other line is indented slightly, explaination would be wonderful so that i can better enjoy your work ^_^
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I love what you wright. I have read every one of your poems and I like them all. By the way I might have said that to you but I did not mean that. I will always love you.
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Very well written for this unusual contest, A great write indeed, very well done. Bless you in all you do...Scott
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This is obviously an out-pouring of emotions . . . I hope this helped you to release some the feelings cooped up in you. I agree with Nam that you have employed some cliche-type lines and they did not work well for me. There are some grammar errors too that damage the quality of the piece. The poem's story hits peaks and valleys . . . not sure if you intended to do this. Overall, I believe that if you improve upon the use of cliche, it would greatly strengthen the poem.
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"looking for a differnce within myself" - "differnce" should be "difference".
"that is alot of fucking lies" - "alot" would be "a lot".
It seemed, when I read this throughout, that you used repetitious clichés but you stretched them a bit, adding words to them to make them your own. I do not think you did that on purpose however, it sums up the entirety of your poem in regards to the world being a cliché in of itself, and we all have to be good little boys and girls, and just muck around intently towards everything. At least, that's a perception I received reading this, perhaps you wrote a different one.
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no, this piece was not meant to be a cliche, and i don't know where you people find the key to make the accent mark. i give up. everything for you is grammer. i don't see cliches in this, but maybe a lot of people feel the way i feel. i have so much pity for those who can only mimic and echo the input of others. originality can be so refreshing, unfortunately it seems to be in short supply of late. this is actually just a general overview of my mind after my car wreck, pain pill induced introspection, realizing i was trying to kill myself without being obvious by driving my car fast and stupid in a heavy rain on a dirt road at night. this is what i felt when a man who swore to love me forever called and left me a message on my cell phone to tell me he didn't love me and that the past months had all been confusion. this is me. quite literally. this is just a piece of my thoughts. if my feelings are cliches then i suppose they are. you after all are the reigning literary expert. never an emotion in sight. and i guess that makes who i am just a cliche. you have me second guessing my every thought trying to figure out if it is a cliche,or if i am spelling it right. do you ever just write what you feel Nam, or do you keep that as tightly bottled as everything else. Sometimes it isn't the punctuation or the spelling, or even in the use of cliches, sometimes it is a heart rending emotion that doesn't give time to check spelling, or worry if it is a cliche that just has to burst out, or feel your soul be consumed. i hope one day you can know that kind of passion about something. poetry isn't always neat and ordered.
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