If you want to know my truth,
you have to ask in my
native tongue, the one that’s
purple with aster petals
and plums, and shaped
like quaking aspen leaves.
Only the rivers know
my real name, but only
the lily pads will tell it
if you offer them autumn.
~
Author notes
Please feel free to critique to the fullest.
A contest entry
- Early Bird Quickiness...10/10L/30m by poet2angels.
475 points, ended October 18, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I liked the poem. I definitely made me think and had some great images in it. I really didn't get how the tiel went with it though. Hmmm. My brainds probably just tired. LOL Great work, anyway and thanks for the thoughtful read. It was very nicely laid out.
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Oops, I forgot to reply to this, and I definitely meant to lol. Really, with the title, I was just thinking along the lines of language that is what it says...and in this case, the name and the truth are so close to reality they actually become it - there is no difference from knowing my truth in my tongue than the actual truth itself. Maybe that only makes sense in my own little mottled mind lol. Thanks for reading, though!
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Nice title up there. The poem itself was deep and makes a lot of people think - they certainly need it!
well, the imagery was amazing and painted a very clear picture in my head.
All the best and keep writing,
Never ♥
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I had to comment on this, Onomatopoeia is my favorite word. This is BANG, POW, BOOM, fantastic. Only one citical suggestion:
[but only
the lily pads will tell it
if you offer them autumn.]
This sounds better to me as
[but the lily pads will only tell it
if you offer them autumn.] I wrote a silly little ode to Onomatopoeia aptly entitled "My Favorite Word", but it isn't posted here. Thank you, I loved this, PC.
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Onomatopoeia is one of my favorite words as well. I actually named my fish Onomatopoeia...and called him Ono for short lol.
I undestand your idea for word order at the end, but that changes what I would like the poem to mean, I think. I was trying to get the point across that the rivers were the only ones that knew, but the lily pads were the only ones that could be bribed into telling (even though they don't know lol). Yeah, crazy...but hey, that's me.
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lovely
once again you have made a beautiful image come alive with all the promise of the cycle of seasons; name and truth are one, available only if you ask - I love this
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I love how the words flow as if they randomly fell into place but yet fit a perfect pattern.
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This is unique and so lovely as if words are falling in petal...
Great job with the prompt!
Lynda
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prompt is:
"When Seasons change"
or
the pic above...
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