time to think, to dream, to pray and plot. to remember.
childhood visions run freely within and without these walls --lip-quivering tears and wild laughter -- embraces.
fumbling kisses and brutal beatings that followed, ringing my ears until innocence was lost and pain became permanent, and so, didn't register. caught in another act of rebellion, of seeking that place where my soul could find it's foothold, where i could just be me. do some more pushups on the edge of my bunk, cold floor seeps wholeness into my toes, breathe.
disparate thoughts intertwine with desperate emotions, choking the air as my spirit feels the confinement it's always felt, even in a flower-filled meadow or mountaintop.
questions of "why," "how," "when" and especially "who?" pervade, though the answers have always evaded me, skipping
just ahead of my grasp, and so i chased them forever, pleading for them to wait, to slow down, to stop. i could never stop, even in the quietest of moments my mind has forever raced ahead, running willy-nilly after some elusive heartbeat that it could never catch. time for count, stand at the door and jeer at the coat, eyes not betraying the fear that has been constant all my life. that i'd never know, that it would be found out that i didn't, that i would always be alone, left unattended so to speak, in this cell, this prison, this ever compressing mind. eat, exercise, exhale negativity, embrace new breaths, new visions, new hope, new "now." endure.
Author notes
filling the cell as I have in the past for far too long. we all live in prisons from time to time--some of us never get granted parole. Thank God for my reprieve!
A contest entry
- Alone by Timothy Cameron.
525 points, ended November 4, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Johnny Boy
Thank you for your submission. Much appreciated. Sounds like someone I know that's been there, or maybe just watched too much TV? LOL! Most people wouldn't know about some of the things you mentioned here.
Me, I died and "came back" in a cell like this, but it was darker and smaller. Later, gator. -
A most profound piece my beautiful and darling Brother, very thought provoking, love you always Josephine
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There is a lot written into this JOhn sometimes we do hold the key to our own cell, don't we.
sigh this has truly made me think,
Thanks for sharing,
Warm thoughts.
Frozentearz
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