Drip
Drip
Drip
From the intricate pathways beneath my skin
This red is my only witness
As if my outward appearance
Didn’t terrorize enough
And these withered thoughts
Didn’t seep to the surface
So, you’ll
Sip
Sip
Sip
Of this chalice darkened with practiced sin
And validate your tragic visit
As if your obvious ambivalence
Didn’t warn me enough
And that visage you bought
Didn’t maul your purpose
So, I’ll
Trip
Trip
Trip
Over your outstretched appendages
That I confused with an embrace
As if your bewitching lips
Didn’t make me stumble
And your dirty, cutting eyes
Didn’t molest me into forgetting
That you’ll
Rip
Rip
Rip
In half my thin, translucent confidence
That I can barely hide behind
As if my humble quivering words
Didn’t give you a target
And my shifty unsure glances
Didn’t ignite your embers but
Now, I’ll
Grip
Grip
Grip
Onto these dreaded chains of sanity
And collect my scattered pieces
As if these once steady hands
Didn’t aide in dividing them
And this fickle crowded mind
Didn’t misplace the master guide.
Author notes
I've always wanted to be a benevolent aunt
A contest entry
- Become a part of my AP Family :) - PREWRITES ALLOWED by MaMa-2-be-Cindy.
550 points, ended November 30, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Trickle by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotion by Ltecho13.
1800 points, ended October 1, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fast contest Favorites only prewrites by Ami.
800 points, ended July 17, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Really interesting stuff going on here, unique format with the repetition of similiar sounding words. I liked that, this is one of the better 'angst poems' I've recieved in the contest. Congratulations on the two Silver Trophies and thanks for entering.
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I am wondering what to say about the absurd lack of a gold coloured pendant,perhaps the masters guide has been misplaced
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Amazing - wow - fantastic write! This is fabulous write I wasnt sure at first but its pretty good
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fascinating, great work, congrats on the trophies
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An enjoyable piece of poetry, good dark imagery used here, with a sense of atmosphere and imagination, a good poem.
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Thats very excellent, and better than most things you read in my opinion. The resonating drip drip drip didnt really get old but made a beat that rung in my head even after i was done reading. What i really liked was how you tied the meat of each stanza together with the way you said things. thanks for writing =)
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wow
Really well written
great flow
I really love the stile you have written this poem in
great write -
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And to this I agree...
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i loved the repeating words. it reminded me of a johnny cash song for some reason. which is weird to me. i don't listen to johnny cash.
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To be honest, I found the same word thrice in succession quite annoying. Other than that it was good for the dark poetry I've been accustomed to reading on this website.
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wow this is amazing. it gives off so much emotion. i love the way it sounds and the imagery
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ooooo.... wow this was really cool... I loved reading it... I loved the rythm that you put in it.... it was cool.... (lol.. just reading all that I wrote and it sounds really repitive but you get my point lol.... I liked it)
~Lumin -
very good
what superb imagery
i like the progression of the repetion
from drip, a letting go
to
grip, holding on
a worl of suspense, drama, darkness, adventure, strenght
no easy task to qualify -
very...intense, and the ononmapetias does add to this piece. the emotions are dark, delicious, making my lick my lips and keep myself from printing this out and putting in my locker just so i can be inspired to gain a better
grip
grip
grip
on my reality. it would be so much nicer than for me to
slip
slip
slip
into insanity. i don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that. ella. take care! pretty wicke write. -
The repetition does add to the poem in this case, the similar sounds as well, the rhyme in each of those first three words. Interesting title, telling us you are not satisfied with the way things are.
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Like it
I like this: it's just the perfect slightly emoness to make me happy, and the epetition is very good -
I liked this--the repetition of the words three times added a perfect feel.
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I liked it. Different. Good luck, and thank you for sharing.
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This one was a random one. Something that hit me in a different way.. What that is, i dont know.
Thanks for such a fantastic poem.
Good Luck.
I really enjoyed the use of emotions and ryme.
The contiunity of this piece was amazing.
An interesting poem -
Very interesting. I like your take on the prompt. Thanks for entering.
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This is a great poem. What was your inspirtion for writing this poem.
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I believe that you could have written the same poem in much shoter lines - but then, would its 'feeling' have been the same. The write 'causes' the reader to slow down and experience the content as you read. I must admit, not my kind of poetry, but this is a good write.
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hi :)
I am also a firm believer of shorter powerful poems.. this one was written for one of my best friends who is a singer/songwriter... so, its meant to be a little drawn out
Thank you for your honesty and also your kind words
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hmm... to be honest I couldn't even get through this. It's too dark for my mood. I'll try to read and give you a true coment latter. sorry but thanks for the entry.
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wow
just amazing the way the poem flows stanza to stanza, very cool. When I read the first two stanzas i wz like this is gonna get boring but the simplicity of the grip and the rip followed by the specifics of each stanza, a really cool change
well done
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I hate saying this but JESUS H CHRIST!!!!!
This is bloody brilliant and very very skillful writing
I asked for big words and metaphors and this delivered in so many ways.
I lov'd the drip to sip to trip to rip to grip. The carry on in that was done brilliantly
One question,
What member of my family would you like to be if you win? As it's not indicated in your author notes
Otherwise many thanks for such an enjoyed read and Good Luck
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Wow. I really enjoyed this poem. I love your vocabulary and I also love the raw intensity of this piece. I really felt as though I could relate with what you were saying. Beautiful poem.
♥
Miranda.
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