Tamarinds and Casuarinas conspire
to sway me from this heaviness.
Pervasive,
stealing from me my breath,
leaving me,
just leaving me.
Cayman sunshine warms the wind
while wood chimes sing to screaming parrots
masking the air with playful banter,
whilst my heart to pain submits.
How can something feel so right,
and yet still feel so wrong.
Tranquil conversations belie the rip tides beneath
your push and pull demeanor,
drowning me in despair.
Never dreamed I would be alone
this far down the line,
still here I am half way home,
you’re no longer mine.
Singular longing for plural.
Copyright © Henri Ferguson 2003
Author notes
The comfort of familiarity can be, and often is, the proverbial double-edged sword. We are masters of illusion, especially when it comes to those relationships that good sense has shown us are now filed under “history”, and quite frankly should remain there. Fortunately there is no prescribed standard for this learning curve, so we move on with glitches along the way, but moving nevertheless.
I walked this road and fell into a hole. The next day I walked the same road and stumbled into the same hole. The following day I walked that road, saw the hole and still fell in. Today I walked this road, saw the hole, tried to avoid it but fell in nevertheless. Tomorrow I shall walk a new road. ‘Tis the journey.
Written October 9th, 2003
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1 - 14 of 14
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i actually think the author's note is more powerful than the poem itself, H...i wonder if you ever consider simply writing in prose form? you have a knack for it, you are better equipped in that form to convey what it is that you want to share, in my humble opinion...an
yway, for what it's worth, we all fall into those darn holes, eyes wide open and all, what was it you used to say to me? ..."chop more wood, carry more water"....na maste H. -
This is so familiar, it is painful. When my marriage fell apart, I really didn't think I could ever smile again. I didn't want to start all over, I would have put up with almost anything to keep from it - silly girl I was, yes. But I was so afraid of being 'singular', and that fear was overwhelming
. Now, as I look back, I wonder why I even married the man - and I surely know that I am fortunate to be without him. It took years though, and I don't want to go through that again. I hope my character has been bolstered enough to know that it is a two way thing, he's got to put the -ing in my swing or it ain't happenin! lol And then, here I sit.. singular still. You always get me with your author's comments, they are always so honest. Thank you, Henri.
~ becky
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It's a Sunday morning, and when I first began reading it I was thinging "URG... too many big words!" But really, it's awesome. You take loneliness--
a cliche topic and turn it into all your own. I love the meter to this... and how it helps the emotion read true. Also... subject matter a lot of people can relate to. We've all been lonely at some point... -
emotional
i have never been a 'plural' so i do not know how it feels to lose it. but do i know it would hurt if i had. very deep writing... good stuff...
smilzalot
i hope you get your breath back and the heavyness lifts... -
I think ny heart just broke again and I'm not sure how to fix it this time. What you've written is all too true and like your poem, I am sad. Plural always feels nicer. Your images convey all that it the deep ingraved ways of the heart. Bless You.
~Angela -
The message you present shines with your great symbolism. Each time I read it, I gained a little more of the message, nice.
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How it is with a bruise. You know you will hit that one place over and over again. And it will hurt every time. Being in that familiar place, brings the pain more fully into view. I hope it gets better for you. Letting go is the hard part.
Maddie -
the journey continues
I once again visit to admire your work, and this time share the sadness this poem engenders. Despite the difficult subject, you bring your usual talent to the expression, I feel breathless at the 'stealing from me my breath'especially with the heaviness of the 'heavy, pervasive' and following 'leaving', the stealing seems so grab and run. The way 'leaving just leaving' is repeated, you convey such a sense of inevitabilit y, an almost passive helplessness which is underlined by the pause on 'to pain submits', like the submission is of equal value as the pain.
The opposing imagery of tranquil conversation, innocent waves of words on the surface and the underlying fatal riptides buffeting and drowning you is powerful, especially as you have already indicated a certain lack of will, unable almost to save yourself. And the final verse is particularly heart-rendin g - I know you read my poetry here, and thank you for your comments, so you'll've gathered I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be "this far down the line" either! - I'm sure this strikes a personal chord with many readers, and you express the confusion, the loss, and the desire so perfectly. I am comforted by your own comments, and wish you smooth travels on your new road; I think it is impossible not to glance back occasionally , but keep looking ahead, Henri, and walk with a spring in your step: plurality will surely bring you joy once more on the journey. thank you for sharing this poem. -
You have summed up life in effect Henri in your additional comment , and for the poem which is written with much depth , a part thereof that is universal in so many ways...
In spite of the disillusionment and loneliness conveyed , you incorporate detail ( the small intricacies in life ) which appears to allow us all to retain hope , such as " sunshine winds "...
Also a powerful description of how powerful memories can be...
Excellent write....theending was superb
( albeit sad )
~ sonia ~
Edited on Oct 10, 6:59 because ''. -
Ouch! This write left me with a strange feeling, and the only way I can explain it is that we tend to make the same mistakes over and over. History repeating itself. Dancing with the wrong partner, then finding a new partner--not
good enough--so we yet swing with another. And, we're always alone when we travel that road with the hole in it. Personally, I've learned that patience is something we all should work on, because if we would but give ourselves time, a good amount of time, we'd make fewer mistakes. As well, if we focus on the walk and not the journey, not in search mode so ever-present , that "plural" will become us, and we'll only know if we're in the right "plural" when we walk that road and right before we're about to step into it, "plural" tugs us back, helps guide us, as we guide our new "plural" and two become one, never to fall into that hole again. Make sense? You got me thinking, and I like that. I enjoyed this write. So much truth here. Patience and plural are kin. Now, I have to read more. Thank you for sharing. This was pure enjoyment!-- Kel 
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Absolutely beautiful...
So close to my life its uncanny...bu t then most people walk your road...just different size holes to fall into and it's climbing back out that drains energy. It's exciting what we can see ahead hoping we won't be alone in our journey and all of a sudden we repeat or accept the same fate we travelled last time around. So hard to learn when each time feels so different... .thankyou for a wonderful read and thoughts that laid dorment now open again....CHE EKS..X. -
So wise one... again we come to listen at your feet.
never dreamed I would be alone
this far down the line
still here I am
half way home
you’re no longer mine
singular
longing for plural
Quite a deep look into what I find...The closer my mortal life comes to "the next".. I suddenly realize that my protestations of "not needing someone to be my Jerry Maguire." the more I am lying to myself. I do want to be a "plural" I fear I have not quite learned to not fall in that hole yet...
Hugs.. I enjoyed this a great deal. You always have such wonderful flow to your writes...
Mary Ann
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Dearest Henri
What I really like about your poetry, is the wisdom behind the message - it is like pulling on a pair of well-worn cotton pumps, soft and comforting, familiar with the contours of my being. Fitting for my soul, I may agree or disagree, yet always I can relate to something said, even if only between the lines - the latter being that very important "silent" poem, singing in all your work.
This specific poem, with its yearning and disillusionment, its beautiful descriptive scenario and its careful yet creative outlay, speak to my heart. Loyalty sometimes leads one away from true happiness. As I am very intensely searching for purity and truth, I had but two major relationship s as a young girl, one resulting in marriage. I never cheated on my husband and I spilled my soul into my marriage. What I really experienced as sad - within my own life and that of my friends - is the inability of most people to grow within a relationship .
Yet again and again we "fall into the hole" ...
Thank you for allowing me these audible thoughts.
Myra
Edited on Oct 10, 2:54 because ''. -
This is a sad lament! Liked the rhyme scheme...som
ething different! Your comment is so true...famil iarity keeps pulling us back, again and again. Takes supreme effort to venture into new (emotional) territory!
<3 Maureen
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