Oh God
you intended me to cherish
I cherished
but you never forewarned me to cherish
to assimilate a shock
I cerebrated it as a blessing
by you
albeit it was an anesthetized lesson
to eyewitness the truth
revealing one heart crucifying another
Oh God...
A contest entry
- Personal Artwork Series #05 by sheltered.
380 points, ended November 1, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE HOLE IN YOUR HEART by Regretlove.
400 points, ended November 26, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cut Me by My Last Breath.x.
450 points, ended November 30, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lost and Lonely feeling Helpless by GypsyEyes.
550 points, ended November 30, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dolls and blood and broken dreams by MissStranger.
450 points, ended June 22, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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3xBravo!
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Well, that's an interesting take. Seems like a pretty mature reaction and a very cerebral little girl.
The bit about cherishing -- is there a tinge of guilt there? I remembering feeling guilty about crushing a kitten's head by accident when I was a child. Too much info perhaps but maybe this girl left the doll out in the rain!
An unusual write.
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This is beautiful, I loved it. ( =
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Judge Says
Congrats on silver! I felt your stanzas could have been in another format that would have helped the poem flow better. I really did like it though. It was not lacking in emotion. Good luck!
~Dommi -
This is a good poem. It could have been put in better format, because it sounds like ramblings. But I ramble a lot. So I enjoyed it.
Good luck in the contest!
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oh this is so terribly sad but you wrote tis beautifulty
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A different kind of shock to eye witness one heart being crucified by another!! usually the shock experienced personally affects us more that when we witness .Oh God gave the impact of the shock.
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O God
Is what I was saying last night.
To eyewitness the truth revealing one heart crucifying another... These words pierce me somehow. I loved this write!
Judy
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Sharp edges in this one. Makes me sad to read it. Excellent imagery and definately ends with the title words...a shock. Congratulations on your silver. Peace, Rhonda
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Very strong emotion. Powerful write. I'm shocked. Thanks.
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very surpriseing poem!!! you did a great and wonderful job!!!! Made me think alot about things!!! Keep up the good work!!!
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I can see the surprised eyes in the picture for the contest, but man!, the words are deep! Kinda makes me think of a broken heart, but really unexpected. That last line about cruciying hearts, kinda stays with you after you read this. Made me think, anyway. I thought you write mostly spiritual stuff, but this one has a dark side to it. Hope I don't offend you, if I say I like that. Later, AG
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Wow!
I agree that you really deserve a gold membership! I believe you also deserve a lifetime achievement award here. Your poems are so consistently powerful, and this is no exception! The penultimate line, "revealing one heart crucifying another"is so shokingly innovative. LOve the pictorial quality of the whole piece.Best regards!
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Somebody buy this man a gold membership! I would but I am broke. Come on! Somebody step up to the plate. Look at this poetry. It needs the visuals. Somebody buck up.
Here's three bunnies... it's all I can afford.
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