Oh lady, my lady unfold my heart with you warm and supple hands
Take me unto your breast, I beseech you
I could not bear the winter of your scorn
Should you accept me I shall make your whim my all
We shall dance within the millions and be yet alone with each other
Gently brushing each others love
Oh lady, my lady allow me the simplest glance so I may swim
In the souls of your eyes and lose myself in you and not myself
Smile and bask me in your gentle warm and peace
Grant me the simplest smile so that I may tumble through my waves of bliss
You hold me your hands, you hold my mind your capricious whims
For you to love me as the flowers of your heart love the whimsical touch of the sun
Is my only disire
A contest entry
- Make Me Fall in Love... by trista.
450 points, ended October 20, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romance Poems, Please No Adults by Angel Eyed Baby.
600 points, ended December 11, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be critical in your review, I want to get better and any advice will help
Comments
-
This has an interesting old-world feel to it that gives it a very romantic feel. There are several places I think you may be missing a word, which affected the flow for me, but it was enjoyable none the less. I especially liked this line:
"We shall dance within the millions and be yet alone with each other"
Thank you so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest.
~J.
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