I know
about the antennae
you hide
under your
eyebrows,
and why you look
so green
in mirrors,
your nose
too flat and
your almond eyes
too slippery.
My hand
against
your stomach
looks
warm and rich
like golden
brown bread
or soft cork,
and my eyes,
the color of
good earth,
were never
as dark
as you thought.
Please,
take your
extra legs and
fractured
eyes
away
from
me.
Author notes
I always welcome critical critiques.
A contest entry
- alien by zillion.
300 points, ended October 23, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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weird
very good write for the prompt . . congrats on the trophy . . like "your almond eyes too slippery" and "were never as dark as you thought" . . good conclusion as well . .
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Well, if you know me at all (just making a comment on duh's comment) you already know how I feel about line spaces. I think they mean a lot, so I wouldn't at all worry about that.
Fractured, slipperly, almond eyes? Poor guy. -
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His eyes always were his most prominant feature lol. Thanks!
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<
Great comments - I will definitely take them into consideration as I revise this. I was a little tentative about the green and (you're right lol) the cork. But I've never seen My Favorite Martian - does he really hide antennae under his eyebrows? lol. Thanks for stopping by - I appreciate that you've taken the time to give a thorough critique.
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