The moments when our fingers touch for the very first time
While we’re laying between the messy piles of fallen leafs
Of autumn colors, golden red and orange yellow
The perfect mellow moment when everything is serene
When the smell of wet fresh newly cut grass
Fills the air of crisp fall scents
While last summers aroma of fresh lilac and honeysuckle sweets
Lingers the air and brings back that familiarity of you
Of the way your kisses always seem so wet
Like the chilly damp mornings and windy dark dusk nights
The explosion of feelings , the unpredictable kicks
Like the rain clouds that fill my window and hit upon my lips
It’s the in between seasons of long ago summers and present day fall
It is never what it seems sometimes it is even better than before
We are constantly looking for what it really means
But all I have to do and look outside and check the weather
And wonder if it can stay like this forever
It's times like that which make the moment perfect
And that’s when you know we were meant for one another
Author notes
- Girls Talk Boys Talk by Aurielle NEW group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Love is... by Virgoan.
300 points, ended October 21, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need Inspiration!!! by leslielovesthomas.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Woo me with your gentle words. by The-Phoenix.
450 points, ended December 11, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me how much you love... by Nidaeah.
1000 points, ended October 31, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love and hope....poems from the heart by XxAloneXScaredxX.
400 points, ended February 5, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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excellent
very beautiful
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Wonderfully Depicted
This poem is a very good, descriptive definition of the way love should be; nearly the definition of it, perhaps, in my mind. It is beautiful, serene, peaceful, thoughtful, well thought, heartfelt, and leaves a soft, warm feeling inside after having read it. Well done, indeed! -
Wonderful Piece
Thank you so much for this beautiful piece!!
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Great write. I thought that was cool that has the nature in it, too.
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The perfect moment
And a wonderful write of love and bliss . A picture painted so brilliantly that it lost me in my youth as I remembered a special moment in Brooklyns botanical gardens
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ummm I never been to that one...I've been to the one in the Bronx, but sadly I can never go back because I got an allegric reaction to some sort of plant/flower and my doctor at the time never figured out what it was...
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Oh my,
This poem has so many sensory details.
I could picture myself in that position.
This write felt so comfortable. That'll
be my word for this. Comfortable.
Easy to read and it flowed nicely.
This should have won gold in every
contest. You've done a great job.
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My favorite thing to do in a poem is to Capitalize every first word of a new line, so nothing wrong there
.
I love the images you portray in your poetry, it makes it all seems so fluff and happy, which works wonders for the poem.
Its very hard to point out all the bad tings about this because there aren't many!
It is never what it seems sometimes it is even better than before
We are constantly looking for what it really means
But all I have to do and look outside and check the weather
I think these three lines don't do the rest of poem justice, they just seem too blank compared to the rest.
And wonder if it can stay like this forever
It's times like that which make the moment perfect
And that’s when you know we were meant for one another
Its nice, but it needs more, they way you introduced your poem is s good the ending seems like, well not a ending. It doesn't end it like t needs too.
The last lines is to typical and cliche' for this poem. In other words the poem is too good for the ending. Its a sweet ending, but you need a ripe fresh part to conclude it.
Good job and good luck!! -
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Thank you some much for yout opinion and critique!
I must say this is one of my favorite poems I've written so far and when I saw your contest I was curious to see what you would have to say...postive and negative...I'm always curious to know what others think and what they think I should improve on!
First of all...I'm glad you like the poem overall...at least I know you liked the majority of the write.
As for the ending...I always have a hard time ending a piece...I never know if I wrote too much or too little. And have a strong ending makes the write more memorable. So I'm glad you pointed that out...and I will def. have the mind of my endings that ironically end up cliche.
Haha but yeah thanks again fellow poet and good luck in hosting your contest...I see you have a lot of entries...and a lot of people talking!
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This was gorgeous!!!
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You used metaphor brilliantly in your poem and you had me hanging on your every word.
I may have to add you as a favorite if everything you write s this beautiful. =]
Thank you so much for your wonderful entry.
~Phoenix -
This is so beautiful! The imagery is great! Loved it. Thank you so much for entering and good luck!!!
Leslie -
this is very good i enjoyed reading this
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imagery
the imagery in this piece is brilliant ! i was able to keep a picture in my mind while reading this poem start-to-finish.
very enjoyable piece !
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thank you very much...that was what I went the readers to sense...imagery!
Thanks for reading!
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Beautiful imagery in this piece and exact words rendered. Honestly, I love the visuals.
My friend, I would like you to arrange and fix the line breaks of this piece for it will add more visibility and impact to the poem.
The current flow is okay but I assure you that adjusting it will definitely give more than expected.
Overall, a very well done piece.
Keep writing and best of luck
VIRGOAN
P.S.
IM me if changes will or will not be made. I will respect your decision. Hope you take my note constructively.
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Thank you for your lovely and helpful comment. I'm sorry that I couldn't reply sooner, but I would love if you can still give me any helpful hints or advice.
Thank you in advance...
Bloved
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great write, little sister.
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Oh my God.
This was so beautiful that I'm twitching. You've litterally given me back summer, even if just for a minute. Amazing. There will be NO competition for you in this contest! Good luck! -
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haha thanks!
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Wow, this is adorable! its vivid and colorful and oh so lovely! amazing girl and good luck in the contest
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