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The Feud

Missing image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mafioso I am not,
feuds betwixt ,

care I?.. not a jot,
guns and bullets flying by,
tearing out a gangster's eye;
Sicily would shed a tear,
le grande vendetta

will now appear;
It's raining stilettos fast and thick,
blood swims in pools,

you'd best run quick;
Caribinari swoops down fast
as death masks hide... Mafioso's past.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

~~~

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • DrunkenRam
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Guilty (everybody's guilty)

    I like this one, I typically am not partial to the pics people post but this one I like, It reminds me of the verse from "Who do You Love" own the alley the ice wagon flew.
    Sinister.


  • IrishYndina
    October 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the way you used the prompt - especially the line that has those raining stilettos in it lol. I don't think I ever expected a ganster piece from a few falling shoes. Great job surprising me. Now...in line 4, there should be an apostrophe in "gangster's eye" to make it possessive. You did a pretty good job with the rhyming - none of it sounds forced and it all flows nicely - but your meter is a bit ecclectic. Especially the first two lines, which are wildly different lengths. Maybe it's just me, but I found it a bit distracting. Overall, this was a very good entry. Thanks for playing!


    • cutiepie gold member
      October 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your help with the punctuation I have edited and it looks a bit better now ( I am still learning about grammer and punctuation) but I am getting there A most enjoyable contest, many thanks for your kindness