What do you see when you look in the mirror?
unkempt, hungover, a mouth full of cotton,
head pounds, dehydrated, feeling rotten?
What happened last night? Is it coming clearer?
Wash your face, look deeper, bring your face nearer,
can you remember, has it been forgotten?
Pounding in your sore head, it's misbegotten,
as the jumbled thoughts get suddenly queerer.
There is an easy answer, give up the drink,
the dragon in your head will have no control;
beats the hell out of puking in the poor sink,
take back your sad life, give the savior your soul.
You cant do it alone, we will make you think,
Alcoholics Anonymous makes you whole.
Author notes
Hi, I'm Scott and I'm an Alcoholic/Addict.
If you think you have a problem with alcohol or drugs, the chances are good that you do. Call your local AA/NA office and find a meeting near you. Go and find out for yourself, don't listen for the differences in the stories told, look for the similarities. Don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens.
Sobriety Date: October 1st., 2004
Love you Tory.
I. The Italian (or Petrarchan) Sonnet:
The basic meter of all sonnets in English is iambic pentameter (basic information on iambic pentameter), although there have been a few tetrameter and even hexameter sonnets, as well.
The Italian sonnet is divided into two sections by two different groups of rhyming sounds. The first 8 lines is called the octave and rhymes:
a b b a a b b a
The remaining 6 lines is called the sestet and can have either two or three rhyming sounds, arranged in a variety of ways:
c d c d c d
c d d c d c
c d e c d e
c d e c e d
c d c e d c
The exact pattern of sestet rhymes (unlike the octave pattern) is flexible. In strict practice, the one thing that is to be avoided in the sestet is ending with a couplet (dd or ee), as this was never permitted in Italy, and Petrarch himself (supposedly) never used a couplet ending; in actual practice, sestets are sometimes ended with couplets.
The point here is that the poem is divided into two sections by the two differing rhyme groups. In accordance with the principle (which supposedly applies to all rhymed poetry but often doesn't), a change from one rhyme group to another signifies a change in subject matter. This change occurs at the beginning of L9 in the Italian sonnet and is called the volta, or "turn"; the turn is an essential element of the sonnet form, perhaps the essential element. It is at the volta that the second idea is introduced.
In a list
A contest entry
- Cleaning out the closet [My Favourites Only] by Naridill.
425 points, ended November 9, 2007, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Honor of reciving 100 HMs by peridotPixi.
681 points, ended July 8, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.5 – Title is nice. I might click on it. Goes well with the poem. I’m not sure why you didn’t capitalize “Dragon”. It should be capped.
Poem Flow: 9.45 – This is excellent. I don’t know much about this form, but guessed from counting syllables that it’s supposed to be 11 syllables a line. Your third line is 10 syllables. Also, your fourth line should be “becoming clearer”, which would put you over a syllable. Just my thought.
Depth: 8.75 – I would’ve liked to have seen you tackle this with more profoundness.
Emotional Impact: 8.5 – I didn’t feel sucked into this, as I would’ve wanted to be, even though I’ve been here before. It touched my brain, but not my soul.
Spelling and Grammar: 9.25 – Spelling is great, but you bounce back between contractions and spelling out the full words: It is vs it’s. Should remain consistent throughtout.
Punctuation and Caps: 9 – You might want to read this carefully and reconsider these two items. Make a few changes.
Presentation: 10 - Nice
Personal Appeal: 8.5 - Having been in recovery since 1987, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. It would score high if it had more emotional impact.
My score: 72.95/80.00
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Thank you for the beautiful entry to my contest,
This is a great use of a poetic device, I like the thoughts you have expressed in this poem I love how you tell about the dragon in so much depth and puking in the poor sink, I wish you luck in the recovery process as well as I do with your writing, I know the first step to recovery is admitting, and I admit that I have an addiction to AP
well I know and understand that AA is way different then AP lol I love how you state that you know you can’t do it alone and that you know where to turn for help, as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~ Amy
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I already commented but was honored to read again sicne celebrating this year i was with you here on ap makes it even more special to me. Thanks so much for supporting me with this group hooney.
Tory -
I can see your perspective here. I like the thoughts. Nicely written.
Thanks for sharing.
Virgoan
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wow~! What a sonnet, this is beautiful Scott. Showing strength to the world, as well as hope.
Thanks for entering and much luck ~~~!
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Excellent
Very well done. Great use of the form. You show great mastery in the process.
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Seeing as this piece was removed from the contest after judging, before I had the chance to comment on it, I shall comment on it now.
This piece is very heartfelt and original, given the prompt used. I really like the use of the mirror and dragon as analogy.
The form I have never used, but it works really well in this piece and in no way is the rhyming scheme forced our out of place.
Good write.
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I love the Italian sonnet and this one is amazing. The message is delivered vividly in a smooth flow. You have mastered the structure of the form very well. Alcoholism is a terrible dragon and it takes a strong person to beat it and to keep beating it. You are that strong person and I am honored to be your friend.
Love,
Amera♥
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My dad used to be a drunk but when my mother went bitch nuts on hem he stopped cold tacky any way it was a nice poem keep up the good work
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battling abit myself. thanks the boost. god bless
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wow.........................this is really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really good poem. i also love the whole dragon in your head thing!!!!
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this was a wonderful write dad which gave of so much hope and faith
well done and best of luck
keep penning
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Great poem. Congrats on keeping sobar. Awsome job of encouraging others as well. Keep up the good work.
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Quite a vivid poem - as well as an excellent example of a Petrarchan sonnet. Great job!
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I'm so glad that you're encouraging others to take the road to personal success as you did.
And thanks for putting the explanation of The Italian (or Petrarchan) Sonnet. I loved the form. And now that I know how it works I'm going to try it myself.
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Well done Scott... It takes a lot to put yourself out there and admit to things... It's a very good poem a great example of a petriarchan Sonnet... Thank you for sharing... xx
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Scott, thank you for sharing. I'd like to first comment and commend you for bringing this up. It takes someone with a lot of guts to talk about their problems openly, and it seems you've done this and more. The content of the poem is very good, it's put together nicely, and it flows (due to the form I'm sure). The words themselves are sophisticated, yet simple enough to understand (perhaps it's the way you phrase your sentences). So congratulations on a very good poem, and keep up the good work!
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yea yea yea i know
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Wonderful job here honey. You did a great job and very impressed with this piece. Thank God for He is the cure to the bottle.
I love you more sweetheart
always and forever
Tory -
Oh, this is an excellent poem (especially poignant in have loved an active alcholholic for years) however, this is not a sonnet, as it is ONLY 13 lines long! You've left out a line. The octet should be abbaabba....
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your right, missed a line, edited...thanks...Scott
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