You sleep cushioned in silky confines,
blanketed with an innocence
that is deft, and maybe hence devious
whilst I idolate the artful nuances of you.
You smell of French revolutions,
but I linger not in that history
for my attentions are hinged on
the rise and fall of other utopias
and here I am well and truly guillotined.
I chance a wary and envious touch
near the suburbs of your forearm
and there is an uproar on your skin
at my trespassing. A stand raised
against my infringement.
Disgusted, I stare in condescension
at soiled and unworthy hands
and frown. Those faltering lines
do not draw pretty pictures
as I fold a fist to hold what
is slipping away.
You awaken not at the interruption
nor at my presence
and as my shadow mars your beauty,
you return to dreams of unknown delights
where I am excluded,
behind eyes that shut me out.
This is why I hate you.
Author notes
This is not anything but a jealous man looking at his more beautiful, more complete wife sleep.
my secrets
W~B
A contest entry
- Challenge is to Write the Best Creative Poem Ever by earthstar.
425 points, ended November 28, 2007, 16 entries
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Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Depression, Anxiety & Betrayal's Wrath. by Poetryintheblood.
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315 points, ended November 10, 2007, 10 entries
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450 points, ended November 10, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What I would say by walkingstick98.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Good.
Not superb. Good. I like it. Your spelling and punctuation are dead on. I commend you for that. It's a first. Well done. Congrats. -
This poem is literally beautiful. I feel like I could be there actually tracing your every move. I think that you have raw talent for story telling. Thanx 4 entering.
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Interesting. I don't think it was plain enough to get your point across though. Thanks for the entry.
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Thanks for your entry in the contest! Good luck with this one! Thanks for entering something that can be related to the topic.
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Thank you for your very powerful entry, Josephine
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very intense emotion I could feel like I was there. Hear the breathing rhythm and see the glow of envy in this man's eyes. i can relate to this on both ends. well done.


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Thank you for the victory. Never thought I had a chance though. There's some really good poets there.
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It would be nice if you would have some author notes. I think it a historical write. It sounds almost like a story in a story theme base. I really like the last paragraph above the sentence "This is why I hate you." It is very descriptive in nature. Very well wrote abstract write. Thank you for your entry. I wish you the best of luck. I think some author notes would help me to understand your write to a great degree. It is very well written has a good content.
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I think it a historical write. It sounds almost like a story in a story theme base.
Hi Earthstar, thanks for the kind comments!
This is not a historical piece. You get that feeling because of my historical detour in the French Revolution stanza. The line was to be "You smell of French Perfume" but I just expanded on the "French" concept.
Just me having some fun!
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