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The Hardest Game to Play

All will hear my warcry.
I won't give this one more try.
Why did you go through that open door?
I have grown to love you even more!

Leaving you behind brings me pain.
You didn't mind my messed up brain,
as fragile as a crystal tear.
You just smiled, you knew the end was near.

There is no chance that we will re-unite.
No warm romance or intimacy tonight.
She could not turn water into wine,
but she made me burn and broke my spine.

I was on the ground, at her mercy.
She relentlessly bound me, blinded me.
She kicked a poor man while he was down.
She gave me the ban; on my head is a thorn's crown.

This ruleless game, played with your heart,
has brought me shame from the start.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • daviscth silver member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed reading this and found the imagery to be truly awesome. I think my favorite lines were the last two. Congratulations on the cups you've won with it.


  • FightOffYourDemons
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm, I like the whole idea of the poem and it's pretty obvious you have potential but I really don't think the rhyme worked in your favor at all. It was wayy too pressure for my taste, like you tried to hard and it didn't work out. Maybe you should try some free verse next time
    Thanks for the entry

    edit.
    okay i reread and I found that the rhyme does work in a lot fo places and that i do really like the last two lines. I actually like the whole thing a whole lot more than I did the first few times.


  • Fading.Heart
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this contest, a breakable poem


  • xorandomxo
    February 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow i loved this poem.
    i loved all the emotion put into it.
    thanks for entering.
    good luck.

    unbreakable♥

  • LuvLikeCrazii
    February 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow....that is a great poem.....i like the part when you said.......This ruleless game, played with your heart,
    has brought me shame from the start.


    now that was what got me the most....i dont know why but it did....great write keep up the good work


  • One Angry Monkey
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the entry in my contest. The second stanze here i think is the strongest.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on being a finalist in our contest, your poem was an enjoyable read. Your rhyme was very good, but your rhythm was erratic which we found spoil the overall effect.

    Please join us in the finale, contest 10. You may enter twice, new writes only, we look forward to reading more from you.

    Sue and Jeff


  • N e a r
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "There's no chance that we will re-unite.
    No warm romance or intimacy tonight.
    She could not turn water into wine,
    but she made me burn and broke my spine."

    I really like this stanza the best. Why? I don't quite know for sure. Perhaps the clever rhyme and the way you explained your hurt. The whole poem was good, because you were able to express those deep and painful emotions in a easy-to-read way and helped the reader understand what you were conveying.

    Thanks for entering my contest! Good luck!

    M a r l u x i a


  • hopeleslytaken
    January 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Thanks for entering.


  • Naridill gold member
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your rhyme is very familiar as well as the word usage but with saying that - the phrasing is very personal and shows alot of simple you in it. Beautifully done.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Lute
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    content-7.1
    vocabulary-9.2
    accuracy-7.5
    creativity-7.2
    theme-7
    originality-7

    totals-45


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent work Congrats on the Gold
    Thank you for entering this into my contest I wish you the best of luck

    Redwing Spirit


  • Xx Luna xX
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    as fragile as a crystal tear.
    You just smiled, you knew the end was near
    I love these lines...

    These is a great piece packed with emotion.... Well done. Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    December 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful impact your words have created. There is some unique imagery here to. A fabtastic poem, superbly penned. Best of luck in the contest with it


  • Hope Angel silver member
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem and it is very well written. I love the imagery and the word play. At first I was utterly speachless.


  • Keith
    December 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well! Spinebreaking? I'm at a loss for words.


  • Love-Lee
    November 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :*(

    OMG! Ok you made me cry... I broe up with him and from what I hear this is how he feels... It was good though I will definetlyconsider it! Great write! Thanks!


  • SugarCandyKittyKat
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Aww...wow......

    Yes,I agree,speechless is the word here!!


  • Technicolor Kay
    October 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    all I can say is wow....I'm speechless...Nicely done.

1 - 19 of 19