The pain that was the worst

3 days ago i died
but the pain did not subside
i thought that i could hide
but all ive done is cried
my funeral was full
the air was frightfully cool
my family all in black
i wanted to go back
to comfort mom and dad
what i did was really bad
they were all so very sad
a few were even mad
i wanted to apologize
to wipe their tear filled eyes
but now im stuck down here
love no where near
i never liked the summer heat
but atleast it could be beat
where i'm at theres no relief
just torturing pain and grief
i got to see Heaven first
that is the pain that was the worst
it was so sunny and so pretty
but God gave me no pity
he glared at me with hate
then shouted out my fate
for killing myself i would burn
exactly what ive earned
on the way down i was filled with regret
my life goals were never met
I felt an intense heat
then fell in crippling defeat
i looked up and met his eyes
i thought i knew, but was surprised
pure evil hate and disgust
hollow eyes and nothing just
demons fly and take my flesh
organs, muscle and the rest
the pain i cant explain
unbearably insane
they always put it back together
then take it again, it goes on and on forever
God give me one more chance
i'll change my ways in a glance
i know that i deserved this
but i was expecting heaven and bliss
or that after death that was it
i was wrong i wont forget