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Eden

I think rocks
would be sharper
    on bare skin,
          and branches
don’t leave
uncovered
toes alone
    even when
          they’re young.
I wonder if
goose bumps
and sunburn
    were invented
          with childbirth,
and how gray
the world was
when nothing was named
    and nothing
          tasted.
From this side
of the fruit,
I can only
think.





Author notes

So it's a little late for me to be writing poetry lol. Tell me what you think and be honest, please - I always love a good critique. Toasted with jam. Bittersweet jam. Mmm...

A contest entry

Speak your mind.

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Aiyoris Maryian
    October 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I was telling my Sunday School class about Eden last week! This really made me think. I like how you shaped your poem, too. Yes, we can only think from this side of the fruit, but one day, we won't. Thank you for commenting on my piece. I appreciate it!


  • Frodofan
    October 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    From this side of the apple? Interesting. Sort of reminds me of a song by Pink Floyd. I'm not really familiar with it, but it was about the dark side of the moon. This is sort of the same thing, isn't it? Very interesting.

    Congrats on your trophy.


  • ellipsist
    October 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful! damn worthy piece! love the flow and the way the piece is formatted!

    lovely indeed!


  • Arizona Sunset
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for sharing, delighted in this, congrats to you on the gold


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh - this is excellent poetry! COngrats to you on the gold...


  • Pure Thought
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I agree with Dee

    very thought provoking.
    Well done, like sun burnt breasts
    Buddy


  • delightfulmess silver member
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodness. this is a very deep take on that pic.
    I really enjoyed this. Thank you for entering the contest


    delila


    • IrishYndina
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The picture was very inspiring...I'm not sure I expected it to take me in the direction it did lol. Thanks for sharing and for hosting!

1 - 8 of 8