Her mood was as black as her dress
as she slowly slithered into the booth.
"It's about time you showed up.
I thought you said eight o'clock sharp."
Her eyes looked right through me
as she whispered in her husky voice,
"I got here as soon as I could.
You have to consider the circumstances."
I tried to look into her eyes,
but she had pulled down her hat to hide them.
She looked mysterious and ominous
in that cloak and black dress.
"To what do I owe this visit?" I asked.
She answered, "You know why I am here.
Quit playing these childish games
or I will just leave and I won't look back."
As I reached out to take her hand,
she withdrew hers and shivered.
I attempted small talk to no avail.
She just stared at the floor.
I noticed after a few minutes
that her shoulders were shaking.
She had begun to cry softly,
but she soon regained her composure.
Finally with a deep sigh,
and with what seemed to be great pain,
she whispered, "He is gone," and with that
turned and slowly walked out of my life.
Author notes
Pollycheck
In a list
A contest entry
- The Black Dress by ma belle.
450 points, ended October 29, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE Only Contest for the following poets by ma belle.
450 points, ended October 29, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WRITE! by xorandomxo.
800 points, ended December 16, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) Pt. 3 by whispernthedark.
435 points, ended March 1, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Requested
Comments
-
This is a great story. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Wow, what a story you have woven with that "black dress!" You kept my attention riveted to the end, and then she walked out! Great poem!
-
This poem made me think a little of '6th Sense' with Bruce Willis. Emphasizing that "her mood was as black as her dress" was a good analogy to play off of. Since this poem has a narrative feel, I think if you included quotes in your conversation, the poem would be greatly enhanced. Also one misspell: Stanza 6, L1 noticed (not notived). I will return to check on the edits and thank you so much for entering the contest.
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