Our random gyration of raw provocation
delivers delightfully, cups of disorder.
While metrical seas dance with great expertise
o’er the sands of all time, across every known border.
From wedding day aisles to sweet baby smiles
He is swinging Creation in broad circles of life.
While She follows with joy her wild Lindy Hop Boy
in the great aerials of a husband and wife.
Their vigorous feat, felt in every heart beat
breathes a lively release to embrace our true fates.
So, let's get up and swing with our Lady and King;
for our joie de vivre … is the next dance that waits.
Author notes
'Random gyrations of provocations' are: modern dance, the unexpected problems of life and free verse poetry (smile).
'Metrical seas' are the moral laws (Exod. 20, Deut. 5) that are written on our hearts, decency, order and Rhyme & Meter poetry (laughing).
'He, Lindy Hop Boy and King' The masculine side of the Creator.
'She, Lady and Creation' The feminine face of God.
‘Lindy hop’ is a lively dance closely resembling the jitterbug and famous for its aerials.
'Joie de vivre' is French for joy of life.
'Next dance' is a: next stage of life, next big challenge, next 'falling in love'; or, just eternal life.
A contest entry
- Courage by Aun Ali.
500 points, ended October 28, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING YOU WANT! PRE-WRITES ALOUD! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
450 points, ended October 18, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Horizons (The EPCOT Invitational) by Brendan Newcomb.
550 points, ended October 1, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well Written
Very well written poem. Congratulations on all of the trophies - very well deserved.
I love the title and the your use of imagery. But I think your authors notes are absolutely outstanding in helping the reader to make all of the connections!
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fabulous!
we giggled and laughed
and danced through out each verse
cleverly written ...fabulous poem to enjoy!
ears/Seattle
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The trophies said it all. I am not one to comment on religious writes, but whether you're a budist, christian or atheist- you must admit this was a damn good write. Keep up the work and thanks for sharing.
Enjoy your evening -it's 22.56 here.
XxX Catacomb. -
I like the way people try to explain God acording to their perception
For one, The gods were once and they have died long ago
We here as their offspring have just a trace of memory in our DNA about where we come from
that is all
Moreover the gods were not kind to their offspring while they were on Earth they kept them in ignorance and fed their blood, till the day Eosphoros took pity upon our forfathers and made them eat from the tree of knowlege thus making us equal to them
I think it would be better if we stop dreaming of god and try to stand up on our own feet
We got our Mother Earth to rely upon and seek help from her
She is a Goddess in her own right, why bring gods from outside space, when we have her
I think alot of poetry is devoted to god for nothing
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Nothing ...
... is for nothing, especially creative work. How you can think otherwise is very hard for me to understand. To me, other gods are sort of irrelevent if they are dead.
Love to you and yours,
Sultan
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So much unity!
The greatest thing about being a part of the master’s universe is that it coincides in all. God is either everything or nothing at all. That means he is the sky, ground, smiles on faces and even the dance. This poem ran smooth and was gentle on the tongue. I did enjoy the read and look forward to reading more of your work.
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Nice
Well, I like your wonderful vocabulary! I just submitted a piece myself using the term oer. That's the coolest part to me about poetry, writing it just as you would say it yourself. Cool penning, my fellow poet.
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY
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L1: it sounds like you're using "uncommon" words to sound smart. i don't think it conveys the point you are trying to get to, since i can't picture anything.
L2: get rid of the comma, it's jarring.
L4: why are you saying "o'er"? it sounds as if you are going from not as modern englist to sophisticated modern english like a professor.
last line: not everyone knows that language.
otherwise, i like it. it's pretty. -
Most interesting write...it flows along with a rhythm and pulse of a swing dance! Delightful dear poet! Thank you for sharing this fun write!
Blessings to you!
Az -
Wonderful rhyme, rhythm and pace. Good to see Sophia dancing, too.
This poem is a great combination of deep thought, and deft humour. I love it. -
Hmm, My eye was grabbed because I saw the word Swing, and as an amuture swing dancer it intregued me. Um I'm a bit confused by the meaning but the little definitions helped me greatly. It is a great peice in wording even though meaning is loss to me.
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Hmmm to be honest, Im not quite sure the point, due 2 the symbolic element of speech"Wild Lindy Hop Boy" and language barrier for me (is this french) "joie de vivre". however, there is something about this write that draws me curiously back for more. I'm somehow intrigued with this. Give me understanding, Sultan? ; ) Curious is good!
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I won't even attempt getting into the biblical piece of your writing...for me it was a great writing regardless..you word choice and rhyming pattern were ver nice and helped your piece flow effortlessly...thank you for sharing...PEACE to YOU always in ALL ways...
-Kendal
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I read your homepage ...
... you have a wonderful heart. Thank you for commenting.
Love to you and yours,
Sultan
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I love the title of this poem!
Pam
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What about when God carries Ezekiel by the hair and causes him to sit dumbfounded by the banks of the Jordan for seven days after feeding him a scroll filled with bitter words of lamentation and woe?
Is he swing dancing then?
lol.
Good write
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I have this wonderful vision now of God dressed in a zoot suit, jumpin' and jivin' to Tommy Dorsey Love it!!!
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Interesting write here. I liked your title especially. It put a new meaning to this piece and really gave me insight into what I was getting into. Thank you for explaining in your author notes some of the phrases and such. Great alliteration. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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wow, this was wonderfully written! =) i love all the phrases you used like "Joie de vivre" and "metrical seas"
this was also very creative piece =)
it really showed the contest theme of loving life.
i especially enjoyed the line, "from wedding day aisles to sweet baby smiles"
nice poem! i loved it! =)
hugglez!
-adria
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Sooo very creative! I like your use of metaphores aswell as the meaningful content you so cleverly express. A wonderful dance! Thank-you so much for taking the time to enter my contest... good luck!
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Dig the creativity of the piece, and the sincerity of the positive elements, in the belief of a happier tomorrow. Rhyme scheme is solid, and cadence is constant, almost as if keeping in step.
Thanks for entering the contest. -
Hey. I have to agree with some of the comments I've read. You have an awesome flow. It's smooth and flowing yet bouncy at the same time. I'm glad I got a chance to read this.
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haha what an amazing poem
great peice of work -
What a wonderful dance! Great rhyme and the rhythm is toe-tapping. Your deep appreciation of the joy of life is abundantly obvious here - this is a hymn, as they all should be, a call to respond to the rhythms of the life force, and take our place on the dance floor.
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This is thought=provoking and makes sense... I enjoyed reading this, especially the rhymes. Thanks for entering... Shya
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holy crap!!!!!!! That was fantastic!!! It has a different sort of flow then mpst works and I loved that. This is a very creative and supriding piece. I enjoyed every word of it. The beat of the lines was amazing. GREAT JOB
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I love it. also
This is unique in its feel and rhythm. Plus, it has some hidden depth to it. I like the happy philosophy. Good poetry makes you feel, I felt something. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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Wonderful use of an unexpected rhyme/rhythm pattern...unexpected because explorations of God usually work toward the somber and the reverent. This one dances with the joy of Creation itself and invites us to see all things anew. Delightful to read. Well done.
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What a wonderful poem. You featured it a while ago but I ran out of time before I could read it and comment. I am so glad I have read it, the quality of this poem is fantastic. I aspire to one day write poetry this good. Well done on the trophies, well deserved.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful work.
Ps: The imagery is breathtaking. What a fantastic topic to write about.
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This has to be one of the most perfect poems I have read on this site,a bouquet of talent.
Thank you for your entry, it definatly captures life. -
This is a great deal of fun. I very much enjoyed it.
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A unique way to see the truth
Very insightful, and the wording is superb, as well. There is a lot of truth within those lines. It put a smile on my face to read it as it opened in my mind.
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Bravo! Well written, and excellent metaphor... Because of this, I will smile next time I swing dance, which apparently I don't normally. Good job, great poem.
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That's Awesome!
"Their vigorous feat, felt in every heart beat
breathes a lively release to embrace our true fates."
I love this line!
This is very cute I like the wording and the style. You amaze me again. XD I'm glad you won Gold and Silver for this I hope that you get more trophies for it it's a wonderful bit XD
Much respect!
~Kimber
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The creator is everywhere to be seen, even in the gyrations of dancing feet especialy those of a true husband and wife.
I enjoyed the piece as it brought a smile to my face which is no small feat in these most uncertain of days.
I like it, I like it so.
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AWESome
Their vigorous feat, felt in every heart beat
breathes a lively release to embrace our true fates.
So, let's get up and swing with our Lady and King;
for our joie de vivre … is the next dance that waits.
Amazing Write Buddy Thanks for Sharing
its Like potraying god in a whole new light
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From wedding day aisles to sweet baby smiles
He is swinging Creation in broad circles of life.
While She follows with joy her wild Lindy Hop Boy
in the great aerials of a husband and wife.
Their vigorous feat, felt in every heart beat
breathes a lively release to embrace our true fates.
So, let's get up and swing with our Lady and King;
for our joie de vivre … is the next dance that waits.
Wow! this is so well written!
the rhyme is very natural and the flow of the poem is great
thanks for putting the meanings of some stuff in your author's nots, it helped -
This poem is freakin' awesome!!! I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it! Great imagery and emotion and feeling. I love how you portrayed the Creator!!! Great write
Leslie
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An unusual poem, full of unique imagery and thought. It's also uplifting and inspirational.
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It surely is obvious
why you won the Gold and Silver. Unique. Thank you 
so much for providing the notes. I thought for a moment I would not be able to complete the review because I don’t speak French. Very well done.
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what a wonderful image
though I'm an agnostic myself, your poem certainly makes God the Couple sound like They like us. There's a great sense of joy and ceremony. -
I love it; it's very creative and different but, still makes a great impact. Thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck. Great Write!
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Somehow I can't quite ...
see any relevance to the contest here, since I think God is probably a practical joker, and judging from her experiences in life, suseann might agree with me. However, this is unique and it certainly rocks. No denying that. I don't see how it applies here, but maybe suseann will get a kick out of reading it. Who knows?
Thanks for entering.
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"Oh my,yes indeed he is!" He certainly swirls me around this dancefloor of life. Sometimes in thrusted back breaking dips at that! Yet,you know what? I still try to keep pace with his lead more than not.Even though his surprise moves catch me off guard.I'm wondering if this piece springs from reading any of mine such as "Life's Dance" .Written long ago.Or if it's general knowledge presented in attempt to provide understanding of this dance through life it's self. I appreciate the implication in author's notes that God's gender is shared in both the masculine and feminine.Thank you for sharing.
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You're a generous heart ...
I just started writing last year, and am gleaning what I can from experienced writers like you. I'm so gratified that you see your 'self' in my poem. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I started reading your spiritual list today. Love, Sultan
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Excellant/unique/intriguing
A most unique write. I may not agree with all of the theology expressed, however, I believe you stated your beliefs quite well. I can respect them, without following them, since I am not a member of any traditional faith nor do I choose to proslytise anyone.
Again, very well written.
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Amazing.
I'm speechless.
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wow... this is a wonderful metaphor that you've painted with your words -- excellently done. I can't think of a poem that deserves gold more than this one, so congrats, and on the other hand, good luck the contests your signed up for thanks for sharing
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love it.
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Excellent
This is well thought-out,rich with imagery,carved and thought-provoking. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Thank you for sharing
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wonderful! a joyful read! with abstract, rhythmic and creative wordplay - how interesting to post an outline of the content - this gave me unexpected insight !
excellent piece.
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Nice poem. The rhythm really catches the reader. I love the combination of two arts (dance and poetry); that makes it so interesting. Very well-written.
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nice
this is avery interesting way how God show expression of happiness -
thank you for sharing this well written poem with me and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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great rhymthm in this verse/poetry regards pinksheep
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It is a beutiful poem i enjoyed reading it good luck it in your contest and future writings
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i like this poem alot. It really is an eye catcher an and really holds the reader from start to finish. the beat of this poem could really be felt as read through the lines. excellent work!
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this poem immediately caught my eye! i LOVE dancing, it is my life, and i am an avid Christian. the language is fun and brisk like a dance and the images are so warm and bright.
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I love dancing even if I do look funny sometimes
it's very cool how you've intertwined life, dance and faith all in one.
'He is swinging Creation in broad circles of life' is my favorite line
Congratulations on the gold. it's well deserved
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Riveting!!!
This poem pulsates with music, dance and a message maybe never heard before. We get a glimpse "within the veil". We see a God who does things in our lives in ways we just don't understand...he's not a tame lion--powerful (broad circles) but intimate (wedding aisles), male and female, timeless, changeless, but always throwing us new steps. Ha ha ha- yes, and why do we put this Creator into a box and ourselves too? At once entertaining, challenging and comforting-thank you.
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Decent poem simple and sweet
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fantastic work
so thats God made earth....LOL this poem paints a vivid picture in my mind, and it's a beautiful poem. -
inspirational
The subject and how it is presented brings life from words. Thank you for reminding us just how exciting life, the universe and everything really is. It is a dance for sure.
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wow. I think this is just amazing. I like "While She follows with joy her wild Lindy Hop Boy" especially. The metaphor comes through so effortlessly it makes me want to sing or something.
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From wedding day aisles to sweet baby smiles
He is swinging Creation in broad circles of life.
While She follows with joy her dear Lindy Hop Boy
Fabulous lines, great concept and wonderful energy and hope. Nice write
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Great choice of words. They rolled of my tongue as I read this.Congratulations on the gold.
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this was truly amazing. the title drew me in and the flow of the poem kept me reading. congradulations on the gold trophy.
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thank you for sharing your work... it's flow .. but most i could see the image of god actually swing dance
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I like the idea here - god the swing dancer. Makes a change from god the deliverer of those whom seek war!
It is nice to see you refering to both the male and female aspect as well - the two sides coming together in a great cosmic dance that is felt across borders.
Well structured and rhymed too. -
GREAT
This work is incredible. The only problem is it wasn't long enough. The rythmic pattern seemed difficult, but you nailed it. Very encouraging.
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What a unique, fun concept! The rhyme scheme is absolutely without flaw. Clever ideas and a total sense of joy and optimism... This poem is just so easy to love. Very well done!
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We are dancing to the "music of the spheres" for our joie de vivre. What a wonderfully metered philosophical musing, As we dance our way to those pearly gates...
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i really like the paralellism and the rythm. its nice man.
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This poem is definitely interesting and unique by far. Great write!
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You captured the music of everything. This is beautiful and sings with amazing rhythm. "While She follows with joy her dear Lindy Hop Boy" is my favorite line of this write. It's so freshing and unique. GREAT WRITE!
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A WONDERFUL POEM
hmmm i found this a lively and interesting work to read and enjoyed it immensely thank you for sharing it and good luck in this contest
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Creative
this is a very nice, interesting beautifully written poem, I'm not to sure what I think of it, but at the same time I love it! lol
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This was really interesting. I'm not really sure what I think of it yet, in terms of what it's saying. But I love the form and meter, and the creative thought you put into it. And the explanations too, it gives rise to thought. Thanks for stretching my mind today.
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beautiful!!
I
yay!
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Very imaginative.
This is quite imaginative. It tells me that you have a very vivid imagination. You have depicted the joy that God has in mind for his children. We are to get great joy in our children and in our marriages and life in general. All is not to be hardships. I was quite interested as to what you had in mind with your title as I couldn't picture God as a swing dancer. However I found this delightful well done and I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest.
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Can feel the beat, see those feet moving and hear that lively music in these lines - great flow, rhythm, rhyme as well. Quit an unusual couple of characters dancing here. Fitting entry into this contest. Wish you all the best.
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Nicely done. The title is definitely what caught my eye; very clever. A couple years ago a friend of mine convinced me to join a swing dance club. I loved it but unfortunately classes and other things got in the way. Regardless, you have a wonderful rhythm to your writing. The whole piece flows so smoothly and it's just such a positive message... Can't help but smile. Keep it up!
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woooooooooooooooooooow............... i like this one. do you want to know y i like it? because i like to dance . no sorry i LOVE to dance. and i like happy thingys.
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What a great poem! A very enjoyable read....
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wow!
you are interesting, and so is God! Good luck in the contest.
Smile,
Judy
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Aww wow, what a wonderful poem on so many levels. Initially the title caught my eye and I wasn't disappointed. Completely the opposite in fact.
That first line is so jaunty and powerful, starting a great rhythm, like a heartbeat through the poem, speeding up as the dance gets more intense. Your descriptions, metaphors and imagery are all wonderful too.
I like how you have shown "He" and "She", free verse and rhyming, order and disorder and encompassing a great message in their too, life is for living.
I really enjoyed it and wish you all the best in the contest. Take care x
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Ooh! nice write..!! loved the way you have worded simple things in a profound, a little confusing n very poetic way...
good job!.. from the title to the end.. this piece draws the reader in..
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Wow.
What a deep, yet witty comaparsion. The title alone intrigued me, and yet i am by no means a religious person. Imagine the delight that filled my eyes when I took in the irreplacable first line:
"Our random gyration of raw provocation
delivers delightfully, cups of disorder."
The rhyme hit me such a punch, such a beat..almost as if the words themselves were dancing, and not just because that is the theme of the piece. The clever oxymoron of delightfully along with disorder gives me the feeling the poem's a bit mad, in a controlled way. the way I like it. The third stanza lost my attention though..it's became less sexy, less polished rawness...the cliche "Their vigorous feat, felt in every heart beat
breathes a lively release to embrace our true fates." seemed as if I had read before...kind of a safe, "thoughtful if though bland" way to end such a rollicking piece. Bring back that raw sexiness...it would make the poem FANTASTIC!
~Hippie
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This is amazing, you definetly put a different perspective of god in my mind. I think you did an exalent job.
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This is a very nicely written piece. To be honest, the title is what caught me over anything else. God is a Swing Dancer? Being someone who is somewhat religious, I just had to see your take.
And honestly, I like it. It flows extremely well, and you manage to catch the essence of a lot of important steps in a person's life. Well done. Well done. -
I'll try to avoid cliches.
This was very nicely written. I like the concept behind it which fuels the interest for me to keep reading. I am an avid swing dancer, so this made me chuckle a bit. The idea that God is swing dancing his creations... that's phenomenal. It flowed pretty easily in my mind, and the concepts were easy to understand, yet you managed to make it a bit complicated sounding, which adds to the intelligent feel of the poem. Very nicely done.
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I really like this. I had this image of god grooving on a dance floor to "Sister Kate". very original and very cool.
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Wow i agree with kdanielle this really was thought out. Great job notes and all.
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It is very apparent you thought this one out! I love it. It is a nice concept. I love your word choice and I really appreciate the author's notes
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There is such a refreshing tone to this. We should all enjoy such creafree moments. The poem just seems to come to life with your words. How anyone could read this and not feel invigorated would be beyond my realm of thinking. You did an excellent job here. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
What a provocative and creative way to view a wedding!
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From wedding day aisles to sweet baby smiles
He swings Creation in broad circles of life.
This is definitely the most refreshing piece of work that I have ever seen!!!
And everything that was running through my mind yesterday seems like forever gone after I read this. I love the piece I quoted above! I absolutely love the whole poem, but that piece grabbed me!
Metrical seas - Love the way you sketched the moral laws and that reminds me of the previous poem you wrote, [Rip Off Those Abaiyahs]
Keep on writing! You are a real inspiration to me!!!!
Love
Becks
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< Let's dance ...
Rebekcah-Ann, the pleasure is all mine. I’m pretty happy that you like this one so much. Love, Sultan
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jump...jive...hear the music...
now you got us ALL dancing! like a beautiful tapestry
that you just want to read over n over as it plays...
and invites you to jump on the dance floor...
it's a wonderful poem that gets your foot tappin...and
soul reading....and your fingers snapping....and
your spirit SINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGing!!
Loved this poem!!
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Absolutely Stunning!!!
Isn't the right spelling "joix de vivre" ?
Anyway!!
Still leaves me with a song in my heart and the feeling that life is not all that dark.
This was a conversation I had with Rebekah-Ann yesterday, The whole dance thing!!!
Amazing!!
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< I checked ...
Thanks for the comment. Actually, ‘joie de vivre’ is what I want … http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joie_de_vivre . Thanks again for your encouragement. Love, Sultan
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