soft words
tell tales
of ancient men
who carry clouds
(like his)
by canals
filled
with green liquor
into the dawn
.
Author notes
21 words
23 with the title included
A contest entry
- Make me want MORE by Suzanne Dia.
1000 points, ended October 30, 2007, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Ah, this is my heaven -- happy, happy chance. Clouds are lovely baggage and nice to sleep upon even if it pisses Atlas off sometimes. I feel like going down to the creek with this little bottle of wine I have. Maybe a crawdad will come out and tell me a story.
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crawdaddies.... suck the heads and bite the tails... man i havent had one of them in eons!
i think its great that you see the silver lining in grey clouds! what is miserable if your smiling while your there?
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Congratulations on the Golden Chalice!!!
I don't get it, but hey, it's OK, this is great work - once again your muse inspires as it baffles!!! 
Peace, Cyn
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...spellbinding!
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Super Gold
I love short form poems. This knocked my underware down.
Joe
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Very good work here
Such a muse this is and so much said in such a short write I love this one
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thank you for the return read
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Wow. This is fantastical. (I hit return the favor if you want to know how I arrived here).
I'm inclined to say let go of the parenthesis stuff ...
Excellent title and the green liquor of dawn is enviable. Glad I took a chance at that return the favor stuff. Haikuish precision.
Lisa
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Such a short and exact piece. I'm not quite sure about "filled" being on its own line, but I also am not hating it either. You also kind of flutter down the page, which is something I have always admired about your work. Even in the past. For some reason I want to curl up, with a book. Perhaps sing a song into the distance. Of green liquor in my mouth and a pink blush of sunset. Lovely Heidi. How come when I read your poetry I see so much, with so little...That is a lovely thing.
;
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Lovely and very deep. Congratulations on the win.
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i have been missing too much really good poetry- this is wonderful and deserving.. wonderful poetry
congratulations
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this is one i wish i had written Heidi the message is timeless, sad, and meaningful. poetry that brings ache and thoughts also brings change of heart or opens minds....such a worthy golden poem..
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Congratulations ...
on a worthy trophy!
Love
Myra
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The title is what really drew me in to this piece. Then I looked up Nahrawan and the light came on lol!
Sad, and very nicely done.
Best wishes in the contest.
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thank you for taking the time to look that up... means a lot to me because it helps for the reader to understand the guts of this i guess
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Oh I always look up stuff I don't know, and I'm very appreciative of the lesson.
Oh, and I like gutsy moves.
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Oh my - how my word feel spilled so lightly next to this!
I don't envy someone having to judge this contest. Egads woman! An out of the box moment of pure beauty!
*And now I wanna carry a cloud!*
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lovely!
beautifully composed, for certain... love the succinct nature of this piece... clarity and brevity both contained in a few short (but very well worded) lines!
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I love the tone of this piece. Good luck in the contest.
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the green beret proudly worn?? is what i hear, see, through all the ancient histories of men and war
his stories will warm you and to be cherished
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With the title in mind (I often forget to look there), I see what you were saying. Should have guessed anyway....can only imagine what that wait would be like..
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Well, you may have me on this one, Heidi..
I hear someone telling a story, though, maybe it brings some kind of cleansing. That's what I get from the clouds, the mythical and the fact he carries them as well.
I know things have been stressful lately, almost wonder if this isnt' someone who shines in the gutter.
That's my attempt.
Thank you ..as always
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tried to do a more marine background
but..
eh.. it is one of the colors
maybe should have tried the desert brown colors
since that is what they wear over there now...
may make that change later -
i sent you a PM
hope all is well.. in and out of work today.. worked this morning.. waiting for my car to be fixed then back at it soon
give poooches hugs
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