in retrospect
i should've coughed
up her phlegm
early on; i didn't see
her scorch marks
and swallowed her whole
only to smolder and break
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An excellent use of metaphors used here to creates a delightful read..A tad dark but unique use of language..
Peace
~A~
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cough syrup and pancakes...
great piece of short work for the smolderer in one's life. reminds me of a smoker's lung love and the falling apart at the end. no fear in a century marked with abhorancies beyond all control. the pieces will hold for now... ~ EZB
www.moodgroove.com
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nice... i seriously like this one
well done!
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This presents an amazing image and nicely encapsulated idea. I love the ideas of scorch marks and how they relate to smoldering. And the idea of retrospect is spot on for a piece like this. What I wonder is why you have punctuation smack in the middle of the poem, and none at the end lol. Too many English courses ruin a person in some ways...
I also wonder how you got from phlegm to scorch marks...it seemed like a bit of a jump to me. Maybe it's fevered phlegm? lol. Great piece, though. I really loved it!
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Thank you GOd! Someone that didn't write about food.
I'm so happy I'm at a loss for words.
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