I cast a rock
into the sea making ripples
on your distant beach
would you notice mine
from all the others?
others?
with every wave
I dream of you
writing love letters
between the tides
Andrew Hide
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
In particular, I really like the second one. Amazing imagery, solid structure and in perfect tone with the history of these amazing short poems addressing love and lovers.
Well done friend,
Monk
ps.
OH, and a solid connection between the two cements them together excellently. But, the second one strikes me more than the first..... again though, you're the master of these... no question there.
-
beautiful write - I liked the use of word "cast" .. it sounds so poetic.. the poem is swift and you said it all in short lines..
~ Lonely -
wow this is beautiful I enjoyed reading it great imageryin this one keep up the good writes
-
yea .. and then i see what i say/or watch what i do and i think ... oh my ...
now, ...
others?
with every wave
I dream of you
writing love letters
between the tides
what i like about this is (not only that it replies to your first ... ) that the pivot stands alone and connects to both halves ... in that the writing love letters could be the I ... or the you ...
nicely crafted ... and beautifully replied ...
you are good at this ! ....
-
I could cast a rock
into the sea making ripples
on your distant beach
would you know mine
from all the others?
i would prefer ' i will cast a rock' heh (no could/shoulda/wished i had ... just do it!)
i tried once to write something about ripples onto your distant shore (or something like that) and i just couldnt get it to gell ... i think, you have it !
i really like this ... somehow a single flowing thought that questions in the latter half (sorry, i never remember the correct tanka /haiku terms) works ! the question kinda makes the turn, for me ...
>>> Gina
-
-
Thanks Gina, I agree, (your such an impulsive girl )
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
