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I saw a video, on cable news

I saw a video, on cable news.

FIVE MEN, (20's-30's)
blindfolded
in a field

Each one wears a shirt he buttoned
standing at the dresser mirror
looking past his fingers,
while a sister sipped her tea in the backroom.
A cat on a windowsill.
The smell of the sun on light cotton curtains.
                 
                                                                    (SMASH TO : )
EXT. FIELD - DAYLIGHT
(MLS- cinema verte)

Kneeling
together,

each one gets
a shot
to the back of the head
on his turn

next shot
                                                                      CUT TO :

FIVE bloody headed- BODIES
laid out in a row,
together
on a sidewalk.

(eyes wide open)

Kneeling next to each body,
wailing, desperate, LOVED-ONES
with buttons and warm windowsills in their eyes.

                                                                      (DISOLVE TO : )

I gazed and gazed.
Wrapped in the draperies of my
cozy afghan.
From the comfort of my couch.
Sipping Sleepy Time tea.
watching cable news
on mute.

edited 10/18

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Trigger
    November 25, 2008
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    better.


  • Jetsam
    November 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I don't see this as a poem - even though the theme may be worthy, the delivery is only average. You lack poetic device or elevated language.

    All that aside, "dissolve" is misspelled. It should be "Cinéma Vérité", and you have no parentheses around the stage direction, "cut to:".

    You have to work hard to get this many points.

  • aiyana gold member
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Zenzee...Most feminine women feel this . Your cry and expression were absolutely lovely.Life going on about you while isolated in your transformation to witnessing the murder of these people. Some women have been exposed to so much they fell to grasp the pain in what other women are capable of feeling for others. An absolutely beautiful piece to keep close to you heart I wish you would let me have a copy for my page for my favorite AP poems
    Rheea

  • -df-
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmmm?

    Am I allowed to comment on a fellow entry? I'm not sure but I feel compelled on this one.

    This would be a good news report. Re-arrange the line breaks and it's a collection of statements without poetic device. Shouldn't it read, powerlessness, desperation? Yes, of course I see the intent but I have to say it is delivered without originality.

    I'm with Tarja. Never mind the grammar, I don't see the poetry.

    -df-

  • basilisk
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    You juxtipose the shocking brutality of terrorism with the safety and comfort of those who are spectators to it. I also like the way you placed a stanza that talks about the domestic peace that began the mens' day in the middle.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Tarja
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Huh?

  • Dresden
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    genius <3
1 - 9 of 9