... poem temporarily removed ...
... will repost in May of 2010 ...
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Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
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wow
amazing how your words paint the pictures for my mind to see...thank you for sharing this piece ....I can only hope i learn to be half the poet you are!
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This has become one of my personal favorites.
Glad you were able to appreciate it. Took me about a month to write--and it's free verse!
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forgot the palakpak
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I like the idea of "solitude" being a woman. It did succeed in emphasizing the gentleness and grace of solitude. Indeed it is a gentle graceful spirit, a friend that's never harsh, never dangerous. In fact we are the ones harsh at solitude, to the point that we fail to consider that all our life it is our most loyal company. To a point that we are scared to accept her as a lifetime partner because our endless desires made her a synonym for loneliness. But only a true and open acceptance of solitude would make one understand that there is peace and joy in solitude. Sometimes even, solitude is the only way through them.
I see why this is one of your favorites. There is a spirit in this piece that embraces the reader. I feel it. Reading this makes one experience this five-day journey you had with her...as if I also danced with her, played with her, sang with her, bathed with her...
Part V is my favorite. I know that this poem is a description of an actual five-day experience in the wilderness. I guess it takes one great soul to manage to make a lone trip up there as wonderful and meaningful, and it takes a really brilliant poet to pen an epic like this. -
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There was no doubt to me about the feminine energy of the spirit that lingered with me as the disembodied principle of solitude herself. I'm sure she's always there, especially since I live alone. But here in the city (or town), it's hard to sense her.
Life is so simple and straightforward in the wilderness. Each moment is about what's next, even if what's next is simply to await the sunset, all else having been completed--the tent setup, the food cooked and eaten, the dishes washed and set out to dry, the food put away out of reach of Bear, and so on.
And for those waiting moment I had my bansuris with me. Her spirit seemed drawn to it, so much so that she became nearly tangible.
Thank you for reading this and leaving me your thoughts. Thank you.
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beautiful
Yuo paint a wonderful picture, very atmospheric, there is enough here for several poems, how about one a day?
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This is one of my all time favorite writes. I'm glad you found it. And I'm glad you enjoyed.
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Hmmmmmmmm abit long for me, but i have a short attention span but a really good beatifull peice of writting thanks for writting it..
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This is just beautiful. Truly your imagery was like none I've read in some time...and I have some pretty good favorites. This work is stunning. I hope to see more from you down the road.
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Sometning very awesome here
To be able to feel all those sensations, I was able to visualize each line, every stanza, I personally love Solitude. This delightful piece of poetry depicts to me that you went away to forget about someone or be near God.and He or she was in every breath you breathed.Telling of the magic that surrounded you.
Am I close?
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Well this is on the review list, so here it is ...its really not my taste I guess i find it a little flowery (but my preference is often for the less poetic and more straightforward confessional, so mark it down as a matter of taste) and I feel that its primarily the length that made it a little remote for me- I do have a disgustingly short attention span, cant bear to read some of my own poems when theyre long, though I can understand why youve kept the length given your 6 day journey....
I think my favourite lines were
lingered still up steep and scaly climbs
by smooth red manzanita limbs
stretched across the winding trail
by outcrops where the vision swoops
down shadowed valleys over distant peaks
Yeah well thats just about all i can say about that one, I can see it meant something special to you and that all your descriptions probably beautifully describe this place to you, Id like to set you a challenge and see if you could write 6 4 line stanzas or better still,though more restrictive, 6 sets of 2 lines to describe this- because I feel that your subject choice and idea about the story was original and creative and would perhaps be more accessible to short attention span people like me-though Id understand if you cant (as you said you couldnt really reduce it further) or wouldnt care to
I think all this imagery could be distilled into simple and rich haiku like stanzas to give it a different approach to the 'full story' you present here...
Yes, I do rave on,
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Great use of metaphor with the strong scent of nature and even human longing in the beginning. Prose creates images that strokes the senses, and I felt as though I was back in time, somewhere more peaceful where the "natural" existed overshadowing the unnatural synthetic world we live in now. I was transported and could see her against a backdrop of campfires, hear her song and smell her enduring perfume of yarrow and pine. Well done! Might have to try more free verse myself. Enjoyed the flow and the journey I just took. Thank you! Keep them coming! Be blessed!--Kel
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I thought this was an excellent poem. Haunting and mysterious. I as pulled in and drawn to read more, though I did find it too long. You used great imagery and I really got a feel for where you were and all the beautiful nature around. Even though I found it a bit boring as it became too long and repetitive, this is still worth 3 claps. Well done to you on this!
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I would give almost anything to be able to write as beautifully as you. cq
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I see the spiritual joy of being alone in the wilderness in this poem. You seem to have had some wonderful outdoor experiences and know how to give poetic expression to them. Solitude turns a great companion in this piece. Well done, friend.
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This is beautiful. The imagery is the best I've seen in awhile. You pulled me in and captured the moments in my mind. Stunning work. It just flowed so lovely. It was definately delicate and a bit haunting. I think you have portrayed what you set out to portray.
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The diction, the syntax and the stanzas are well choosen and structured. This is very 'stream of consiousness.' It is amazing the wisdom that comes to you when you spend time in solitude. I too have spent time in the woods by myself (only for two days - not six), but time away from others forces you to examine yourself in a way that you can't when others are near.
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Fleeting , yet
Soft images persist in this pretty write. Your descriptive paintbrush ( definately water-color, probably Asian influenced) is tender and light. I really think that this would benefit from some contrast. Even your small use of shadow and dark is not enough to change this readers vision of pastel hue on fine linen. There is an unreality that superimposes across this world you create. The dancing muse is compelling, but remains aloof. You have set the stage for a drama that never occurs, leaving this audience of one to question, where have we been taken, and why?
Beautiful images, but I feel it needs more depth and emotion.
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good thoughts.
this attempts to depict an actual experience of six days in the woods not coming across another human being. i wanted to depict the experience as closely as possible, and the climax of the experience in life was suddenly having absolute peace with solitude, and accepting it, "her". this is when she "touched" the hand that played the bansuri flute.
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well done!
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A haunting poem with delicate, abstract and sourced words that stimulate the mind. I don't care that we don't know who "she" is - it (and "she") just work....except it is much much too long and descends into a degree of repetition. Nevertheless I liked it.
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i actually looked for ways to shorten it, but this was as short as i could get it. each part represents a day spent in the wilderness, during which no other humans were encountered. "she" is solitude herself, ambiguously personified, in ways that carefully avoided assigning physical attributes since she represents a disembodied principle.
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sorry
I'll have to come back to this, I got lost at "dry waters purled and pooled", my mind can't picture that. -
By the by do you play flute like you write poetry
Still enjoying the above poem. Much thought, much grace in it.
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Excellent poem ...
I see Debs agrees, as he has said just below here. I'm sure you already knew that, of course.
My biggest question here is: who is "she"? The poem doesn't explain that, nor does the title. Also, like Debs, I'm not really much up to going into the technical aspects of this. I had a nasty fall last night after work and am still not feeling up to snuff, having had a lot of trouble sleeping last night.
I will say that this is much better than most "free verse" I've seen, and I hestitate to even label it like that. You really do have an excellent vocabulary, although on occasion I feel that a word here or there might be a bit "overwrought" as well: "bamboo melodies" seems out of place with all the imagery here of North American wilderness, and there are a few other places that seemed odd as well. However, in the main, this is such a tour de force that I don't think any of those minor things really matter.
All in all, great poem.
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"she" is solitude.
the flutes i brought into the wilderness with me were bamboo. one of them is in my picture here.
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Dude, this is wonderful. The imagery is dense, but the narrative is interesting and engaging. At this moment I am occupied with too many things to align my thoughts on this at any technical level. It appears to be a little overwraught at a few places, and some of those adjectives are burdensome in the first one!
I see a new voice and style, and could very well relate to this more than your previous posts (equally rich!). Will try to post a more educated comment if I manage to align my scattered thoughts!
D
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Thanks man! The adjectives were barking at me in a few places as I wrote, and I could neither do without them, nor be happy with them. Yet the poem also had a life of its own, and I did my best to allow that life to manifest.
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