There's a hole in my soul, getting out of control
Seemingly spreading the more tears that I'm shedding
Feeling all the killing of the hate that your spilling
Falling, now I'm crawling to find shelter from your storm
FUCK...................I used be more...than this.
Author notes
Picture prompt
Damn, I'm my own greatest fan!!!!
A contest entry
- Pic Inspired by HeavenScent4U.
600 points, ended October 18, 2007, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your best. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 9, 169 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Thanks so much for entering
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Good luck
[if you are placed in the finalists I will leave a better comment] -
Short but full of meaning.
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Very nice flow to your poem. I liked it, the internal rhyme definitely helped. The only thing I didn't like about this was the "..." between more and than. I don't think that is needed. But other than that nice write.
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10/10
I Really Like This Poem,, It Flowed Amazingly. The Rhymes Were Really Good. Im Just Starting Out With Poetry.. This Is The Reason Why. Thanks For Inspiring People. -
I liked the way you rhymed without letting down the tempo.
However this (like numerous other writes in AP) gives little information about the cause. And hence the content fails to come across. The lack of context excluding..this poem was good. -
I like contemporary poetry when it is done well. Picture prompts can be a crap shoot- they shouldn't rely on an image, but be inspired by it. And you've done it!
Again, you've captured powerful thoughts/emotions in a compact little punch. I like how the rhyming rolls off the tongue- almost sing song and then the slap at the end- that disjointed realization. Good stuff- well written- and I haven't even seen the picture.
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WOW powerful emotional explosion! Liked it...congrats to you on the Gold
Happy New Year Brother ~Trisha~
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Like this one -- Excellent Writing
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Outstanding
This poem is such a deep, yet seemingly simple piece. Truly, it encompasses all the pain and torture of not being what you know you can be, or just losing sight of the value of life.
I didn't think that such a short poem could hold this much intensity and passion, but I was severely incorrect.
Many compliments to your work, as it is all outstanding. You are truly a master of your craft.
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The Howlin' Wolf might sang that song. A damn god blues
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i am so glad your sweet comment
on my poem brought me here to your
poetry. I really like this. It's
not the same old same old stuff
Love,Lane
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interesting... certainly intense... I guess I was not initially looking for FUCK or any other 4 letter word used as an exclamation... this isn't bad, though - I like the way it ends... that final thought clenches it for me...
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This is such a very well composed piece of thought. Pained, and filled with so much angst for that which resides; that which cannot be filled with just anything... Great piece of potency.
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Wow. The emotion was so...raw...so real. I mean, it's like: I can feel with you and stuff. Wow. I felt like that before...like I used to be more than I am and stuff.
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Glorious wonderful poetryexcellent! Great work my friend you have talent.Glorious wonderful poetry
excellent! Great work my friend
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damn, didn't mean to click on one I've already read!!
Still as hard hitting as the first read though-will go and read some others of yours to make up for wasting points
Slaps hands.
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This poem still kicks my ass when i read it
btw, i didn't click on it from the feature section, i wouldn't waste your points like that
love it just as much now as i did the first time i saw it be well and be blessed dear
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Thank you mooma. Some dipshit ask me if I plagiarized it an aerosmith song. OMG, it pissed me off!!!!!!
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Congrats on the gold trophy Nice Work
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hmmmm :)
You are truly laconic, it seems iT's remarkable that you are capable of communicating a lot through such a small amount of words. Congrats for the trophy.
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Cool work
I think that you write with alot of feelings. You are a very soul and heart felt person. Good luck with all your work.
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This is what I'm talking about. For me this has WOW FACTOR. I don't get a lot of that but the more I read this the more I like it. Very straight forward, hard hitting and full of power and emotion. Well done. Thanks for entering and good luck. be well and be blessed
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This is brilliant!! You are really writing some hard hitting stuff at present-keep penning-great line:
Falling, now I'm crawling to find shelter from your storm
Wow. xx
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so much said in so few lines. great job. i wish y ou well in this contest though i do not think you will need the luck. viyanna rosemarie
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