I sit here dumbstruck
A cold chill has iced over my heart
I watch your eyes meet his
And my mind doesn't know where to start
Feeling trapped in my own skin
My heart tearing in two
The whole world's a fucked up game
And I'm playing by my rules now
A bottle of Bacardi later
The fires of apathy are burning my skin
I've giving up caring for you
I'm stuck on a bed of needles and pins
Feeling trapped in my own skin
My heart tearing in two
The whole world's a fucked up game
And I'm playing by my rules now
Now you're back and asking forgiveness
I'm standing in a fog of ambivalence
But I gotta get over you
Feeling trapped in my own skin
My heart tearing in two
The whole world's a fucked up game
And I'm playing by my rules now
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended October 17, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - my muse is suffering - GIVE ME INSPIRATION! by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended November 3, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suprise me.. by PoeticallyTintedSml.
615 points, ended November 24, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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there are descriptions that are redundant... like the cold chill icing over the heart... I am confused by the rhyme in some places and lack of it in others... this seems very bitter and like a lot of things that I have read or heard in songs before... I think it's wrought with cliche....
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I'm ignoring the rhyme in the first stanza and continuing on...
I see that you have this in lyrics, so I am assuming that the 'feeling trapped' stanza is the chorus?
While I don't know much about writing lyrics, I know what I like - this didn't sit strongly with me. Not to say it was bad but it wasn't something that stayed with me.
Just my opinion
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