The
Night is
Lonely and
Frozen without
The fiery fingers
You trail down my skin; I
Am washed away in a bright
Silky essence, like a candle
Shining through wax paper and melting
Me; you are breathing sunrise into me.
A contest entry
- Ten Lines by Cherokee.
450 points, ended October 15, 2007, 1 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Really beautiful! I like the form you used with the lines getting longer, makes it intriguing, adding more and more with each line, with a beautiful ending. Nicely done
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Interesting. I was a little surprised to see an actual form; I'm so used to your free verse. It was a beautiful metaphor! "Breathing sunrise into me"---very nicely phrased. It's a different love poem. It has a darker beauty to it; it's more reserved. And I very much enjoyed it!
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I was confused by the wax paper's relationship to the candle but otherwise a nice piece.
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