The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it's rhythm is nice and steady,
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
when you hear it you better be ready
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it's telling me to move
The beat of my heart has rhythm
as you listen you hear that it's smooth
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it's asking for your hand
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it wants you and i to dance
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it keeps me on my toes
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and this is how it goes
Dance with me my beauty
i'm offering you my hand
if you will be my women
i will be your man
Dance with me my beauty
for this could be our last
i want to be able to look back
and see this moment in the past
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and it comes and goes like seasons
The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and your presence is the reason
A contest entry
- Fly Away With Me! by whispernthedark.
795 points, ended January 19, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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aw...
that was sweet..... and incredibly amazing
i loved the flow in it too
great job!!
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hey there! i love your work so i'm gonna comment on as much as possible today. i love this. i like how you started it and then you went into dancing. my faovrite part is this:
Dance with me my beauty
i'm offering you my hand
if you will be my women
i will be your man
Dance with me my beauty
for this could be our last
i want to be able to look back
and see this moment in the past
YOUR WORDS SPEAK TO ME AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE. GREAT WRITE D.
~Dani~ -
unlike other poems your repeating line isn't annoying and it doesn't ruin the poems flow or idea. Its just redundant a little i guess...
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Wow I like this poem a lot. It has a really nice flow to it. Its nice that the rhymes are pretty natural. I agree with the other comment below the repeating line takes away from the poem. However the idea and form of the poem are excellent. Continue to write such great pieces.
Keep up the good work
Nakatrea -
Very sweet write. Thank you for entering the contest. Good luck!
♥
whisper
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This has a creative rhythm to it, haha. I find that repetitive lines tend to get tiresome, but you helped that in your poem by giving it a break near the end. Then, having your last 4 lines using the repeating quote (yet again) really enhances the power and inner structure. Great flow, and I love how nice and unforced your rhyme sounds. Best of luck to you in the contest.
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Let's Dance
I think if I would've waited for you to ask me first, it would've sounded as sweet as this poem. I wish we could do it again. I'd love to listen to the rhythm of the beat in your heart. =]
Beautifully done my Poetboy, I loved the repetition!
Much Love
SweeterThanFiction <3
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I liked the repeated "The beat of my heart has a rhythm" line! this flows very nicely! normally repetitive poems are very sticky (i have that problem) you don't fall in to that! CONGRATS! well that's about it! Godd write keep it up!
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AH! I forgot to mention my favorite part. I loved the ending:
'The beat of my heart has a rhythm
and your presence is the reason.'
Thats deep! (i know corny word but still true!) Your an amazing poet, keep it up!!
-mliw -
Amazing!
Most repetitive (spell check!!!) poems have problems but this is really good! It has real rhythm i found my self tapping my fingers. It says something really big very quietly and sincerly. this is an awesome write!!!
-mliw
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That was such a beautiful poem Nicely written
PoeticButterfly
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Nicely done again!! Great rhythm... I love the repetition in it. It speaks of quiet love and longing.
Second of yours I've read and I shall definitely read more! Keep writing
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aww.. so caute
i loved it, very good
cant wait to read more
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aww, thats so sweet, it's nice to know that there's some nice guys left in the world that have a motivation other than getting in girls pants. well writen, truely. I like it, look forward to reading more from you
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Who are you asking?
It's sooo romantic- seriously
If Tim sent me this, I would fall in love with him like three times over. lol...I still love him a lot anyway.
<3 Jenerali
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